content warning for sexual trauma below
first of all i have a few things to explain. when i was in my teens i was sexually groomed and violated but never penetrated vaginally and i have remained a virgin ever since out of traumatic fear. i am also a 25 year old transgender man, who has been putting off my screening for 6 months. i have a lot of fear and stress regarding my vagina and just thinking about the test makes me cry instantly.
but i booked my test today, it's due in october. i know how important it is and that a few moments of pain is safer than the alternative. but i am really scared that due to my anxiety and status as a virgin, the test will be painful and the nurse wont be able to perform the test on me properly.
i feel really alone in my experience but wanted to reach out and see if there was anyone who might be able to offer some wisdom or support regarding these anxieties? i dont want to buckle and cancel, i really want the test but I’m scared i will have a panic attack or something.