Worries about biopsy results, fertility and how should I feel.

Hi, 

I hope I'm ok to put this here. So, I've just had my colposcopy and a biopsy was taken, this was my first smear test and I know I should of had it done earlier, I'm now 31, but I just didn't. I was diagnosed with pcos when I was 21, last year we started our fertility treatment as we'd been trying two years to conceive with no joy. With the start of Covid, it all got put on hold, I have since been back in for tests and I also have severe endometriosis, on my hips, pelvis and sciatic never area. I had to wait weeks for a doctor to do my smear due to Covid. Anyway I finally got it done and the results came back abnormal . I went and had my colonoscopy 3 days later, it was fine an no where as bad as I thought. I whole of my cervix was pretty much white the nurse who did the procedure  said she thinks they are pre cancerous, and probably CIN3, and will be removed. But to get pregnant afterwards I'll have to have stitches put in to my cervix's to keep baby in an a c section to deliver early as it's not ideal for me to have a normal delivery . I've not told anyone about this except my partner. An he's been really good. But I keep panicking, but I don't feel I have a right to panic an shouldn't be making a big thing about it all. But I'm terrified. I know it's selfish but it's just another thing making becoming a parent harder.  It's been one thing after another and I'm so scared what if they come back as cancer, how should I be feeling. I just need someone to talk to. But I don't want lots of people knowing, I feel dirty being hpv positive. Is it ok to feel sad, or to cry. Or do I just need to get on with it an stop being so self centred. 

if anyone has some advise please help. Thank you. Xx

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Dear Steph08212,

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so bad about it all. Have you considered asking for a referral for counselling? Or ringing the helpline to talk it through with someone? You've got so many emotions going on at the moment. It might help to clear your thoughts if you speak about it to someone.

It's a horrible thing to go through. But you're not alone. It would be good to hear if you're feeling any better today.

Xx