Worried myself stupid



So I have panicked myself stupid today, 2 days ago I started with itching like you get from thrush and a bit of yellow discharge, not offensive to smell.  As I have had a little problem with thrush during radiation I thought I would put some cream on, whilst doing this I pushed my finger into my vagina a little bit and thought I felt a lump......as you can Imagine I have hit a panic button rang my cancer nurse crying and am seeing my consultant on tues, she say only to put my mind at rest.  I have been struggling for days now mentally in that I have been having negatve thoughts, the other day for no reason I got up and had a little twinge in my hip, I thought oh no recurrence, then from that I thought, well what am I going to go I cant have chemo again as I am allergic to it, from there I thought if I have chemo it will be stronger and I will loose my hair to then thinking when I die I will be buried bald.


What is happening to me and has anyone else had the itching and discharge, I am all wound up again now.


Love Emma x

Hi Emma,

There's no point in me telling you not worry because you will anyway.  We all do it at some point. The itching and discharge probably is just simply thrush,  And the little lump you felt could be anything from a bit of scar tissue to a spot.  It's great they are seeing you on Monday.  It's natural to panick after all you have been through.  But remember that you went through the extra treatment to avoid recurrance so its highly unlikely.   I just wanted to send you a hug and positive thoughts.  Take care xxx


Hello Emma  -  I really understand how you're panicking, but you said it yourself, you suffered from thrush during radiotherapy and that's more than likely what it is.  The lump is also most likely from radiotherapy or could be scar tissue from hysterectomy.     It's hard not to think the worst sometimes  when it comes to this - and we're probably all the same. We've had the dreaded cancer and the slightest twinge scares the heck out of us.  I had a sore arm during my chemo sessions, I was worried so the doc sent me for a scan - nothing there! I have a sore ankle this week - same thoughts  --- 'it's in me bones'! Then at last I put my 'don't be a twat' hat on, and those thoughts went away. Easier said thatn done sometimes though.  Don't meet it halfway - hang in there until you see the doctor.  Let the 'sensible you' have some airtime - shove the bad thoughts away!!

Let us know you get on.


No useful advice I'm afraid but just wanted to send some big virtual hugs. 


Hi Emma,

just wanted to say fingers crossed for Tuesday . It will all be easily explained I'm sure but you will worry until it is- human nature! You've done so well and been so brave (even if u haven't felt it) so u will last until Tuesday and then sigh a breath of relief. I think we all know that every time something is even the slightest bit out of the ordinary over the coming months (and years), our reaction is going to be the same- panic of reoccurrence. I doubt it will ever go away. all the best, lady xxx

Been to my Gp today, she thinks its thrush, she said that its not recurrence, she said it doesnt happen like that especially as I have just had treatment.  Even though I havnet seen my consultant I feel better knowing that she said it isn't cancer.

Thanks Ladies x

Hi Emma, 

You poor thing! I'm glad you feel a bit better having seen your GP this morning. If it's any consolation (which it might not be, I don't know), I don't think what you're experiencing is unusual. I regularly think I've got a recurrence. I found a lump on the back of my neck a couple of weeks ago and thought "Oh my God, it's back, it's everywhere, it's now in my brain, I'm going to die." Got my husband to look at the lump. It was a large and very puss-filled spot. Felt a bit silly then! But this is normal. 

You've been through so much Emma, and it's such a frightening ordeal, that these fears are bound to come up. I'm glad you now feel reassured. Don't forget that you're amazing and you are doing so well. 

Much love, Annabel. x