When will it end? 3rd time :(

A year ago I had my first smear at 25. A month later I was told I have severe dyskaryosis and was called in for a colposcopy. My cervix barely reacted to the dyes and acid but I was treated via LLETZ. 6 Months later my test of cure. The same result again (severe dyskaryosis). 

During my second treatment, I was informed that the nurse took "a very very small amount" of the cervix the first time (2mm) and this time she would take (5mm) My cervix again took a very long time to react to the dye almost to the point where she thought there was nothing there. She was almost certain that the 2nd procedure would fix it.

Less than 2 weeks ago I had my 3rd smear and I have the same results AGAIN only this time I've been informed I have "high-risk HPV" as well as severe dyskaryosis. I am totally crushed. I have 10000 questions and no answers. Mostly regarding my health and the other cancers HPV can cause. I have spent over a year waiting for a good result, I severe health anxiety which is so bad I do not leave the house nor do I allow people into my home in fears they carry viruses. 

I understand that any further treatments i.e leetz, cone biopsy etc will now raise my chances of miscarriage and early labor if I wish to get pregnant in the future. I have no idea how to feel about this whole situation. Are me and my long term partner just passing HPV back to each other? Will I be stuck with this forever? What are the chances of it giving me other cancers? What's the point of removing more of my cervix if the high-risk HPV just creates more cells? Why I havent I cleared HPV in 5 years?

I think it is possible you guys could be passing it back and forth. Hpv really does suck if you want more kids.


You may already be aware but just to say that smoking reduces the ability of the body's immune system to clear HPV. So if you and/or your partner smoke it is highly advisable to stop.