just need to sound off a bit, would love to hear from anyone out there!
I was diagnosed with cc on 19th September. That's me being generous because I was actually told it was likely on 26th august. It is now 26th October. I have been waiting quite patiently but today I feel I have lost the plot. I am due to have a hysterectomy and lymph nodes out etc. the more time I have to think about it the more worried I am getting about the operation, my family, my relationship with my husband. And most of all the chance that all this waiting could mean that the cancer could be spreading.
I have been on the verge of tears all day. I feel completely overwhelmed. All the early visitors and offers of support have gradually disappeared, I feel like I'm taking the mickey by remaining off work, etc!!!!!
i also feel like NO ONE understands. The terror I feel at the thought of the operation, and the fear of trying to recover with two special needs children, and the suspicion that I'll instantly be a fat, dried up old lady.
All you wonderful brave ladies out there, help!
love, Molly xxx
Hey lovely, I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through. I've got my lletz treatment tomo and freaking out so I can't begin to moan when you're going through this. This whole thing can seem quite lonely sometimes, but this forum is fantastic. You will always find a sensitive and listening ear here. Thinking of you sweetie. You are such a strong lady . All I can do is tell you you are an inspiration to me and send you huge cuddles. You are not alone and you are allowed to feel urgh and worried. I hope someone can help quell some of your fears. Much love xxx
think I'd have gone out of my mind if it wasn't for jos.
I really feel for you, the waiting is dreadful. I had to wait just over a month from being told but you are having to wait longer. I so hope you hear something this week. Its very unlikely that it will be spreading in this time, its a slow growing cancer and if they thought it would be getting worse in a relatively short period of time then you would have been in before now.
I too felt terror at the thought of the op but it wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be. You will be really looked after and cared for.
I'm sure when the time comes then the offers of help and support will return. Others don't understand what you are going through and probably just see you getting on with your life not realising what you are going through.
Try and have some special time with your children this half term and do some things that make you smile. You are wonderful and brave too, just remember that. We are all here for you.
So Sorry to hear your having a tough time hunny.
I would feel exactly the same way. Contact your GP in attempt to speed the process up. Or.
If you have the name of your consultant at the hospital contact them via their secretary and ask them if they have a
date for your surgery. Explain to both the GP and the consultant secretary your concerns.
If your not sleeping or becoming too anxious get yourself to the GP and discuss. Am hoping you have
a good relationship with them.
In addition to this site you need to find someone else,girlfriend you can rant to. Get it off your chest.
As the song says - Let It Go.
Hope that helps Molly.
Take care of yourself. xxxx
Thank you girls, your support means the world. I will ring around first thing tomorrow I think and see if I can get some answers.
i think I have picture in head of little tiny bits of cancer whizzing around happily in my lymph fluid choosing where to settle and set up home. Not helped by all my healthy resolution having been replaced by comfort eating and red wine drinking.
i need a kick up the bum. Actually no, after two months of panty pads I'm bit sore for kicks there!!!!
All this waiting around is a nightmare - I really feel for you! Huge hugs and hope you get the job done this week. Meanwhile, I don't think they'd have you sitting around like this if there was a chance of the nasty b*****d whizzing around your lymph system looking for a holiday home. And another thing, it takes ages and ages before you become a fat, dried up old lady. :-)
If either of you can face it, go and get passionate with the old fella, it'll kill some time if nothing else ;-)
Hope you manage to get some answers today hunny.
Walking is always good if you can get out. Know its difficult when you have children.
Keep in touch and let us all know how you get on.
Take care hunny. Xxxxxxxx
feel slightly better today, and have had first bath! (As opposed to shower!) i normally choose a shower anyway, but bath made feel much better physically and emotionally, despite small children banging on door!
havent found time for phone call yet.
Molly... You know I know exactly what you are feeling right now. I've updated my previous post about being unwell and really turned a corner yesterday.
Please try not to over think and worry and send me a private message any time your think of anything... It's only last week I had the exact same op. I too have two children and can totally appreciate the feelings and thoughts your experiencing xxxxxxx
Also..I'm sure when I originally checked the NHS targeta were to operate within 62 days xxx
have been told prob 26th November. Am devastated.
Hiya molly i no the waiting is just the worst because you just want it out! Your mind goes on overdrive thinking all the worst possible things on what could be going on inside you, I was diagnosed on the 4th June and I didnt start treatment until the 7th July so I had a good few weeks to drive my self insane. But my CNS was brilliant reassuring me that my thoughts were not actually reality! I think another way of looking is that there not concerned for you to wait that long if it was anything worrisome they would have had you in by now. But saying all that I completley understand how you feel. I'm driving myself nuts now with the waiting for my mri to see if treatment has worked. These times are trying for us all. Try and take your mind of it with a bit of xmas shopping maybe? im not that good on the advice but just wanting you to no I'm thinking of you and sending you a big hug!
oh Molly that seems a long time x
i did ask to be considered for cancellations. I wasn't due to go in till 5th Novemember. Can you ask the same? X
I had to wait two months for my operation so can understand your frustration and anxiety. i really struggled when I was waiting so long for a date.
When I was treated the guidelines were for treatment in 62 days as Victoria says, it would be worth double checking if this still applies. I called Macmillan for advice and guidance.
After a long wait and no operation date i finally called my cns quoting the guidelines and pointing out they would be breaching them. I cried on the phone and told them how disappointed I was in my care. With two young children I needed a surgery date so I could plan support while I would be out of action. Lo and behold they called with a date the very next day!
Good luck I hope it gets resolved soon :)
My outcome was unaffected by the wait and actually time sped up once the date was booked, so much I didn't feel ready! It will get easier....
I am SO grateful for all your replies. It is such a comfort to know that there are people out there who really do GET IT!
There is an outside chance that I might get squeezed onto an extra theatre list that is being organised for this Saturday , but I can't help but think it's not going to happen. I won't know until we'd/Thursday .
I am aware that I have gone completely off on one in terms of feeling sorry for myself, but this whole situation feels like par for the course now. My husband and I adopted two girls with learning difficulties seven years ago, and for seven years it seems like we have done nothing but fight. we have done battle with schools, teachers, psychologists doctors etc, just to get a better understanding for our girls. Now, just as we have got both of the into schools that seem ok, we are hit with this. And yet again I am having to fight. Yet again I feel like I am bottom of the list just like the girls have been, when we've watched other adopted children have one to one therapy, or other adoptive parents get financial support.
DH and I worked in egypt for a while, and always used to love the slogan for the Egyptian beer 'Stella' - that which doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Am hoping its true.
love you girls, Molly xxxxx
Just to say I'm thinking of you Molly and hoping upon hope that you get on this Saturday's theatre list instead of having to wait another whole month. I just can't believe it! You seem to be one mighty powerful woman so one way or another you'll get past this latest hurdle.
Wishing you all the best
I'm really hoping and praying you get on that list for Saturday. When you are waiting every day seems like an eternity. It's scary thinking that there must be so many ladies having the op there, causing the additional wait.
Thought of another saying for you, well a song actually - I get knocked down but I get up again - sometimes we feel everything is conspiring against us but then we turn the corner and the sun comes out.
Fingers crossed you get a sky full of sunshine very soon.
Hi ladies, just an update.
they didn't get the staff for Saturday, so all off. Nurse left a message giving me the complaints number! Husband all set to complain, but I'm just not in that place. There's only so much they can do if they have an unexpected number of cases. Trying to be positive and see it as chance to lose couple of pounds that have piled on due to the comfort eating (and red wine!)
love, molly xxx
Yeah! Got date! 11th, nervous now!
The time will move pretty fast now and before you know it you will be on the road to recovery. I was so nervous beforehand too but it wasn't half as bad as I expected it to be. It was my first major surgery and afterwards I said that I wouldn't be so scared of surgery again.
Keep yourself busy up until your date. You will need to take it slow and steady afterwards and let hubby wait on you.
So pleased you are not having to wait as long as originally thought.