Waiting - trying to keep it together


i was diagnosed on Monday with 3b cervical cancer. I have never missed my smear and only showed symptoms the past couple of months in which I went back and forth to the Drs.

ive been told my tumour is 8.9cm and I'm really struggling to deal with it all

i have 2 children, my youngest is 3. I do not have an oncologist appt until 7th June and I am literally a mess. I cannot imagine not being here for my children but the size of the tumour is making all this so hard mentally to deal with.


Hi amanda

sorry to hear about your diagnosis as this is such a hard pill to swallow. Regardless of your tumour size the treatment is very effective and once you have a treatment plan in place this will all seem so doable and it will be. 

We all fear the worst possible things imaginable when we get our diagnosis but try to stay positive. You are not going anywhere anytime soon. 

sleep is key at this point in the journey as a rested mind can stay positive and not fall apart. Don't be afraid to get help with some pills to get you over this part of the journey so you can stay sane. The rest will fall together.  

Stick around our forum and read through older posts to help you. Stay away from google as you'll be dead before morning. The info is so ridiculously false or outdated. 

Good luck and I'm sure once you know the plan you will feel so much better. 


Thanks so much for responding.

i seem to have good days and awful days but I know I just have to get through them. I'm desperate to start the treatment and get this journey started. 

I'm really hoping they have a plan for me on the 7th, I feel like I was told, given a blood test and then sent on my way. And of course now I've thought about it I have a million and one questions.


Hi Amanda,

I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a big hug, I really hate this cc business, and what it does to us. The waiting for appointments and results really is the worst part of it all, I think I cried every day between getting my biopsy result and my specialist appointment.

It's really hard not to dwell on things, and unfortunately our minds (or mine at least) always rush to the worst case scenario, but the best thing that you can do in these awful early days between diagnosis and treatment is to keep yourself busy with things that have nothing to do with cc, and do not Google anything to do with cc under any circumstances. The next week until your appointment will be tough, but hopefully after that things will start moving forward for you, everything starts to feel a bit better when you can see the path ahead. xxx

Thank you so much. It's a really tough time isn't it! I've been through every emotion humanly possible, positivity, fear, how unfair it is, pity, angry, you name it.

i just want to get on with fighting this horrible thing and get on with my life with my amazing family x

It really is such an emotional rollercoaster, I am trying to stay positive, but then I have days where doubt and dread just come over me. In a way, it doesn't feel real yet, but I'm having a hysterectomy next week, and that will make it real. We have to hang in there for our little ones, and the people that care about us. xx

Hi there. 

Once the initial treatment period is over, many women conclude that the time between getting the first diagnosis information and then starting treatment, is one of the worst times to be going through in this journey. If you can, please accept the reassurance that what you are feeling right now is completely normal and understandable. You will get past this bit and you will be starting treatment to zap the bugger very soon now.

I remember the racing extremes of emotions that I went through at this stage, and for me it got worse after I saw the oncologist whilst waiting for treatment to start. Every ache, twinge, cough, mole, lump, change became for me, a potential symptom that it had spread. (It hadn't.) Every blood test, scan, health conversation in that time period was me second guessing whether there was a much bigger problem. (There wasn't.) I did quite a bit of crying and some shouting. I would start off the day strong have a wobble and crumble and then terrify myself on the internet and crumble some more, then try to scoop myself up. Rinse & repeat. I just wanted to go into hospital and have it all taken out of me tomorrow. (That wasn't even an option for me, I had chemo rad.) All these feelings are normal. It's a scary, tortuous time, but you will come through this.

If it helps, the time between seeing an oncologist and starting my first treatment was about three and a half weeks and then the actual treatment took up most of my thoughts instead, which was a blessed relief.

It's easy for me to say from my vantage point right now, but try reframing things with, 'Thank goodness they've diagnosed it, now they can get on with treating it.' A massive team of people with tremendous expertise are using all their skills to help you, and hopefully you have close family and friends who will join that team with practical and emotional support too.

As for the internet, lots of people say stay off Google and come here for info. It's good advice, but I haven't met anyone yet who managed to stay off Google so I'll just leave this here. Statistics and survival rates are generally based on information gained between 5 and 10 years ago. By the time you read them online, they are already hugely out of date. Chemotherapy drugs and optimal dosage regimes change all the time, radiotherapy machines are more sophisticated and the accuracy of scanning is better than ever before. If you find yourself googling away and scaring yourself silly, try and haul yourself off that page and go and do some small kind thing for yourself. You are a unique, fabulous individual, not some statistic on a chart.

Instead of torturing yourself with 'What will my family/kids do if I'm not there?' try 'What practical things can I do now to help my family help me whilst I'm going through treatment to sort this out?' Try not to bottle everything inside all the time, identify someone you can talk to and trust with your feelings & fears. For me, it was my husband, he was scared too and trying to be strong for me, but it was much easier to get practical things done when we were being honest about where we were in the roller coaster each day. (...and sometimes each morning and each afternoon!)

Cry when you must, hang tough when you can, but be kind to yourself too. It's all good. You will come through this time.

Ah thank you so much. These words are amazing. It's the most terrifying thing ever. I feel guilty for how much i took life before for granted. In such a short space of time your world is turned upside down and left in the balance.

my family and husband have been amazing, I know this is all so tough on them too.


Hi Amanda  i  was  also  staged  3b my treatment  finished in March i have my first  scan  in july i had to have  bilateral  nephostomys n i still have  one nephostomy i had also never missed  a smear which got  me thinking  it ment  to b slowing  growing  so i asked for a smear audit as  it  was  playing on my mind any questions  plz ask xxxx


tha so much for your response. How was your treatment? How long were your radiotherapy sessions each time? 

They said they go back and look at all past smear tests and I can have a report of this  I wanted. Did you get one? Was it any use?


Treatment  went  quick  i needed 2 blood  transfusions  mu bloods were  extremely low by end of  treatment  i wss  nearly admitted  to hospital  external  radiotherapy  isn't long max  30 mins  most  of that  was  them  setting  me up n getting  me in right  position brachy days  i was  there  4/5 hrs n chemo days i was  there  ages i wrote  a letter  to them  about  2 weeks  ago n they  rang few dsys later saying  they  got my letter  n passsed it to a consultant  to deal with i hope  it puts  my mind  at  rest message  anytime u need to ask  anything  hugs xx

Thank you x

did they say they had any idea how the treatment went? How are you feeling now after the treatment is all done with. The dr mentioned the scarring may bind the vagina together! And mentioned dialators. I have no issue with that but he made it sound awful!


When i had  a mri  before my first  brachy  she  said  it was  reducing nicely  i get a scan  in july which will tell me how  it  went i got  dilators  i dont use  them  as much  as i shudmy vagina  has not  closed  up with  treatment dnt worry  bout that  he just  telling u the  worse csse senioro each week i feel more n more energy  but i carnt  go bak tp work  until  my other  nephostomy  removed  i dont fall asleep  as  much  as i did  i slept a lot when  treatment  first  ended but that  wud b cuz  my  bloods were  so low if u have offers  of  help from family  n friends let them help so u can  rest  xxx 

ahhh my husband and family have been amazing. I just want to get my treatment underway now. I've had an mri and ct so hoping he will discuss treatment! 


My partner  n family  n friends  kept me going fingers  crossed  your treatment  starts  soon x

Thank you,

your messages have really helped me get through another tough day x

Thank you,

your messages have really helped me get through another tough day x

Hi amanda

Im also a newbie on here , I'm sorry to hear your news and hopefully won't be to long till you start your treatment . I was diagnosed 3 weeks today with 1b2 andenocarcinoma. Had my MRI 10 days after and was given results 3 days after that , good news that it hasn't spread  I have a holiday booked for the 12th June and was told to go and have this holiday and that a radical hysterectomy will be booked for the 27th June when I get back , please keep me posted on your treatment plan hope all goes  well sendings lots of hugs x

Anytime Amanda this  site as helped  me  loads esp on  those days  where all i  cud  do is cry if u fink of Any thing else  ur welcome  to ask  xx

so today I got the results from the ct scan. And they confirmed  hasn't spread which is amazing news as the stage shouldnt get worse. Also they confirmed the rumour was actually 1cm smaller than they first thought.

classing these as 2 mini victories!