waiting for results and speaking to own parents

Hi ladies,

Hope you are all doing well and thank you so much for this wonderful site! It’s been a gift the last 6 weeks.

I’m 25 and had my first smear in may, results came back as mild abnormalities and hpv positive (cue lots of crying/anger/googling). I live away from my family.

Sooooo… When I got my results letter I was very lucky to have my boyfriend (of less than a year) with me at the time and pretty much threw the letter at him to read and ran up the stairs. I now know the results could have been much worse but reading “virus” on the letter made me feel so dirty and damaged. I had one previous long term misbehaving boyfriend a few years previously and the current one and I felt like I had to apologise to the current one over and over (even though he was grand just shocked and concerned that it might have been from him).

Anyway, sorry I’m rambling. I had an appointment 4 weeks later for a colpo and I convinced myself that “ah no it’ll be fine, it’s just a precautionary measure and they’ll leave me be and I’ll just have another smear in a year”. But low and behold the very nice and chatty lady nurse said she needed to take a couple of biopsies as she wasn’t 100 percent sure. It’s great that the nhs and other health services do this rather than leave things but it is terrifying to think that “oh god maybe it is something sinister, maybe there are bad changes and even though they can skelp them off they could keep coming back”. Anyway, results are back in about 4 weeks time and I guess I can worry/plan then. BUT, and this is a very big BUT, I don’t know if I should call up my mam and tell her. I almost feel like it would just cause extra unnecessary worry, but at the same time I do feel like I need my mum. But the there’s that old guilt/taboo thing kicking in saying “it’s your own fault, it’s a dirty virus that’s causing this” even though i know its not really because it is incredibly common and symptomless. I also don’t want her to think ill of my very lovely supportive boyfriend (we’re less than a year together and they haven’t met). Its just the virus that is stopping me telling her. Should I just wait 4 weeks and see what comes back in the biopsy? Any advice from mums out there or girls with a similar experience would be very much appreciated.

Thank you and a million sorries for the long rambling post! I’m just feeling a bit lost and lonely right now!

X

Hiya!  haven't had the HPV virus, but I have had a smear test come back with mild dyskorosis, which at the time was terrifying! I went onto have a colposcopy (I'd only been with my partner 2 months at the time) thankfully that came back cLear. A year later I ended up having a hysteroscopy as I was having abnormal bleeding, they found a polyp and did a biopsy (again terrifying, I'd never heard of a polyp!) and that again was clear. That was 2/3 years ago. I'm now being referred for another colposcopy as I've been experiencing bleeding, again I'm terrified. If I were you I'd speak to your mum, you don't need to tell her about the HPV, you can just say that your smear was inconclusive and you're having further tests. ive always told my mum about any tests I've had, ive recently been diagnosed with a brain and spine condition and I couldn't have gotten through it without my mum and partner, I think you've been incredibly brave so far xx

I believe HPV is something pretty much everyone who is sexually active gets at some point in their life, so do not think of it as a dirty virus! I would definately tell her, you will need the support and I am sure she would want to know!

Hi Lostandlonely:

So glad you found us.

I am old enough to be your mum so I am going to wade in here baby.

First, stop with the guilt thing. At least half of sexually active adults have HPV and most of them don't even know it. Those of us who are HPV positive are just the unlucky ones whose bodies couldn't fight it off. The only way to avoid exposure is to be a virgin until you marry, marry a virgin and stay faithfull your whole lives. Or never ever have sex. I think there may even be ways you can catch it without sex too. Maybe that works for some people, but probably not most of us. 

Secondly, tell your mum. Tell her you've had an abnormal smear and that they are doing some tests to work out what's going on. Tell her you're worried and let her support you. You don't have to mention HPV if you don't want to. I didn't tell my mum anything - I live abroad too - until I had a treatment plan in place, but I am way older than you and my mum is in her eighties: I didn't want her to worry. Your mum is probably around my age and yes, she will worry, but like me, she would be crushed to her core if one of her babies was suffering alone. Mums worry, it's what we do, but that's OK, it comes with the job. If you really don't want to tell her, do you have a sister you could tell? I leaned really heavily on my sister, despite the fact tht she lives in Canada and we're not that close.

If you read the posts on here you will see that waiting for tests/results etc is hell. No getting away from it, it sucks. You need to be able to share the load with someone and if you were my baby, I would want you to share it with me. Call her and, fingers crossed, in a few weeks you'll be able to tell her that all is well. If it's not, this is very treatable and cureable and you'll be good to go before you know it.

The boyfriend sounds a keeper. 

Sorry to sound so bossy, drives my kids wild!

t xx

Hi Ladies,

Thank you all for your wonderful advice and reassurance. I spoke to mum and it was definitely the right idea! It's turned out to OK in the end and a screen in a year's time, so I feel quite silly now for fussing over it so much when so many others are being so brave and extraordinary facing much harder things. 

I wanted to say though how fantastic the NHS is. I know everyone has their gripes and complaints about various parts of it, but I'm not sure we all appreciate just how brilliant it is to have this service effectively for free. All the staff at the hospital were so kind and compassionate, and I know they have far more important things to do with their time than dealing with a blubbering, shaking silly leaf, but they didn't make me feel like that. Further, from initial screening to biopsy results was 8 weeks for me - that is unbelievably efficent. I know many others have much longer to wait, and that that wait is absolute hell, an emotional rollercoaster, and the most dreadful thoughts come into your head, but they are really doing their very best with such limited resources and the threats of cuts every day. So I know we're all shattered, worn out, fed up, cursing everything and anything, but I really just wanted to say that I feel very lucky that we have access to such a thorough and comprehensive service.

xx