Okay this might be rather epic.
I've been in a similar situation before but I've never had 'high grade abnormality' before and also now I have two children, the stakes seem higher somehow.
In May and October 2007 (27 years old) I had two smears, showing Mild Dyskariosis. The second of these triggered a colposcopy. I had biopsies taken and thankfully nothing untoward was discovered (CIN normal).
In September 2008 my next smear showed Mild Dyskariosis again. I had moved house and attended a different hospital for colposcopy. I had more biopsies. This was November 2008. Again, all was normal and at the time I had tests for both low and high risk strains of HPV. All normal, no HPV (at least the strains they tested for). The gynae said he could give me an HPV vaccine which I had (privately, I paid for it).
My next smear in June 2009 was normal! What a relief. I was put on a yearly recall.
Unbeknowst to me I was in the very early days of pregnancy when this smear was done. I had my baby in February 2010. I went for my next smear in June 2010 and this was also normal.
My next smear was June 2011 - I wasn't on a yearly recall anymore but I wanted to be on the safe side.
Had another baby in May 2013. We moved house at the very end of December 2013 and something made me seek a smear test... February 2013 (33 years old) smear showed 'high grade dyskariosis'.
The letter says this is unlikely to be cervical cancer but I am absolutely terrified. I have suffered from post-natal depression both times and am on ADs so maybe the anxiety levels I'm feeling have something to do with that? I just can't stop catastrophising. I am terrified about leaving my children without a mummy. I thought my body was so strong and whole after birthing two beautiful and healthy children. I was also imagining maybe having a third and I am in such pain thinking about what might be happening inside.
I didn't hear from the clinic and after two days virtually solid spent calling them they picked up and I booked an appt for colposcopy there and then. So it's Thursday 13th next week. They said my referral was marked as 'see within four weeks' so maybe it's not regarded as the 'most' urgent?
I don't understand why I keep having abnormal cells especially as I had the all-clear for HPV? I've had the same partner for all these years btw so no new exposure to anything. Oh and by the way I've discovered the man who did my second colposcopy and gave me the vaccine has been suspended following a routine audit of his cases which showed a higher than usual level of complications - I've spoke to the NHS helpline for this and it seems this relates more to surgeries than colposcopy but it hardly makes me feel better :(
I can't stop googling scary things and whenever I'm up in the night with the baby I am in pieces thinking about things.
I would imagine it's quite likely they will take biopsies AND treat - is that a reasonable assumption? I can't stop thinking about them looking at my cervix and saying they can see cancer.
I don't know that anyone can make me feel 'better' but I know there's a lot of collective wisdom and love on here so I have put myself in your hands xxx