Very emotional and scared

Hi,

My name is Kirsty I’m 31 and I’ve just had a letter come through literally a couple of days after my third smear to say I have abnormal cells - high grade dyskaryosis and need to go for a colposcopy.

Obviously I was shocked and a bit worried but figured after reading the leaflet that I was in good hands, it’s very unlikely to be cancer, etc I was ok. Then come today and I am a wreck, I just keep bursting into tears, can’t help imagining worst case scenarios and I just don’t know what to do or who to talk to so am feeling very alone right now.

I feel so cheated that I’ve had two fine smears and how I’ve jumped from nothing to severe. How can that just happen? Now I’m worried as around 6 months ago my periods completely changed and I started bleeding for just one day with a bit of spotting on the second day, with my age and feeling hormonal I put it down to the possibility of early menopause beginning but now I’m concerned it was the beginning of these abnormalities… When I mentioned it at my smear she said she wasn’t concerned and to just watch out for spotting at other times, pain after intercourse etc none of which I have so I’m confused now as to how it just ‘happens’

I was told about this website and after reading some of your stories I know I’m not alone in going through this but I just don’t know what to do.
I managed to hold it together to take my two daughters to school but literally cried all the way back home and should be setting off for my university lecture in 20 minutes but just feel like curling into a ball and shutting the world out. Does this get better am I just being stupid and over anxious?

Sorry I just meant to write a quick post but have rambled, cried and snotted my way through this one instead…

Edited to add I’ve now got my colposcopy date this Wednesday morning so feeling relieved I don’t have long to wait but scared how fast things are moving.

Hey Kirsty, 

its human nature for us to worry, even though we know it's probably nothing to serious we can't help but fear the worst. im the same and so are many others on here. I think it's a lot to do with the fact we have to wait so long for appointments and results we have to much time to think! Do you know when you are going for colposcopy? You can ask lots of questions there.   

Fingers are crossed for you, try not to worry lovely I know it's hard but it just makes us feel more ill! X 

Hi Kirsty

Please try not to worry - it is easy for me to say this now but I have been worrying a lot also! I have somehow got through it and feel fine now. I had a routine smear in October which came back as severe dyskaryosis - all smears before have been normal! I had my colposcopy in December and honestly it is nothing to worry about. The colposcopy was fine! A little uncomfortable only because it's a bit longer than a smear but completely bearable. 

I am now into week 6 of waiting for biopsy results and I have had an anxious couple of weeks but something just clicked on the weekend and now I feel fine. 

Anxiety is definitely a massive part of this process - I had days where I spent hours googling (don't do it! Lol) and I had days where I was fine.

Do you know when your colposcopy is? Once you have had that you will feel better as it's the unknown at the moment that causes the anxiety. 

 

Sending lots of of calm and positive thoughts your way.

 

Charlene 

 

No its the waiting game at the minute for the colposcopy appointment, although I've been told they come through quite quickly... I hope this is true. 

It's all been a bit of a whirlwind I had my smear on the 22nd January and received the results on the 30th so I've not known long. I'm a wreck now god knows how I'm going to be with weeks to wait.

I read in the leaflet that it's a bit of a postcode lottery too in regards to testing afterwards and I know that's not even something I should be thinking of yet but my mind just won't stop.

I really feel for you - it is such a horrible time and it doesn't matter what anyone says or does - you can't push it out of your mind. I rang the cervical screening place to find out when my appointment was as I hadn't had my letter and they wanted me to wait until the 4th January! I made a point of saying I couldn't have this hanging over my head over Christmas and if there was anyway of an appointment nearer then I'd be great full! She rang me back within half an hour with one for 4 days later. that was so much better as I had it done before Christmas and could relax a bit!

You could always try ringing the cervical screening or the colposcopy department at your hospital?

 

Charlene x

They have just rang me I have an appointment for this Wednesday at 10.30am. I'm glad it's not long to wait but it seems scary how fast things are going too.

That's good then! At least you'll have more of an idea on Wednesday. Once you've been for your colposcopy you will feel better because you'll know more. Right now you know nothing, and it can be frustrating!

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Charlene x

Hey can I ask how you felt after your colposcopy? I had it yesterday and I am in so much pain today with bad cramps, bleeding and it hurts to go for a wee, is this normal? X

Hey!

i didn't feel great to be honest. it depends what you had done? I had some period like pains straight away but the doctor explained that when the speculum goes in it does shift organs a bit and so he says that's the pain we feel! A bit weird I know! I had 2 biopsies and no treatment on the day.

I also bled a little bit but I was fully recovered around 5-7 days after! Hurting to wee could be a little bit of irritation. If it lasts then go to doctor in case it is a water infection. 

If you are worried then maybe see your doctor tomorrow before the weekend? It'll help to put your mind at rest! 

 

Charlene xx

They said they would do treatment but ended up just taking two biopsies instead. I just don't feel right down there but as I said they were quite rough so it hurt a lot and then the liquid dye and anesthetic stung a lot too. 

Think I'll take your advice and ring doctors tomorrow, thank you x