Very depressed due to finding out about HPV- crying every day

I am posting again as it seems my first post didn't work.

I recently found out I have HPV and I'm being referred for colposcopy for bleeding inbetween periods (I have had this for 10 years and was always told it was normal by doctors due to the pill). I haven't had sex or  sexual contact for 3 years so I am totally shocked I have HPV. I am single and I feel very depressed because now I believe I won't ever meet anyone due to having an incurable STI. I am crying every day and I can't see a future for myself anymore. I know the logical reasons for having a smear test but in some ways regret having it done because it was better not knowing. I now feel I will have to tell future partners I have this while men can go round spreading it from woman to woman without knowing or being tested.

I have started to obsess that there may be other STIs I have picked up and don't know about (although logically this is unlikely as I got tested after my last partner 3 years ago). I have always used condoms with everyone and didn't realise they didn't prevent HPV. I just feel dirty and like my life isn't worth living anymore. I am obviously anxious about the colposcopy and what the results may mean. 

Hello Lauree

You have had a nasty shock and you are at a difficult stage waiting for your coloposcopy. It is important to focus on managing your anxiety - I can recommend phoning Jo's helpline - their opening times are on the support pages - they are not open today because of the Bank holiday - MacMillan also has a helpline which is probably open today. You are not alone in this - remember 80% of the population have it & most people don't realise it. I found it all such a shock I referred myself for counselling - my counsellor recommended setting aside half an hour a day for worrying. Many people on here recommend keeping busy - it's important to talk to someone about how you are feeling and reach out for support.I hope this helps

A x

Thank you, i really appreciate you taking the time to respond. I might try ringing them when I have time to talk about it, sending my best wishes to you too and I hope you make a great recovery xx yes I think part of my problem is it crosses my mind and I start reading about it online, I end up spending a few hours a day researching and then getting depressed and crying about the situation. 

Hey I wouldn't say having hpv as an std is something you should spend to much time worrying about! From what I've read is that it's very common has no symptoms and most likely goes away on its own without treatment xxx

The lletz treatment I had helped to kick start my immune system so that it fought the HPV back into dormancy - the important thing now is for me to look after my immune system & make sure I keep up with screening as well as looking out for any symptoms of CC and looking after my mental health. You haven't done anything wrong - all you did was go for screening which was the right thing to do - be kind to yourself & stay off Dr Google. When you go for colposcopy you will be given the opportunity to talk before hand so write any questions you have for the colposcopy team - they were really kind and reassuring when I went for mine - they are used to supporting people through all this - I felt so much better when my first colposcopy appointment was out of the way and I hope you will too. It is quite isolating to go through this but you are not alone. Big hugs x

Thank you, i really hope so. My concern is that I must have had it for at least 3 years as I haven't had sexual contact in that time so I don't know why my immune system didn't get rid of it yet. 

Wow, that's fantastic to know that the treatment you received kicked it back into dormancy. I recently lost weight from being overweight, improved my diet and started taking Immunace extra (a high strength immune boosting multivitamin from Asda). I am hoping that these things might help me to kill the virus.

The only thing I can think is that I recently left an incredibly stressful job I'd been in for 5 years, i seriously wonder if being so stressed all the time might have jeopardised my immune system. My new job is much better so I really hope I can overcome this.

Thank you for your insight and it's really good to know that the potential treatments could help should I need it. 

Hello again

I had also been going through a really stressful time before I was diagnosed and think it was probably the reason why I had an abnormal result for the first time ever. It's best to ask your colposcopy team as they are the experts - they do say not to smoke as that is a risk factor but I have never been a smoker anyway. I hope you feel a bit better now. Waiting for tests and not knowing the full facts of what is going on is very stressful but once you have more information and your appointment is out of the way you will hopefully feel a bit happier. Thousands of women go through this every year but no one talks about it!!! The treatment I had is 95% successful so there is a good chance I won't go through this again but I will still be monitored more closely for a while. I now just have to live with a new normal - whatever that is!!! There are lots of things in life to look forward to and to enjoy. Take care of yourself and seriously phone Jo's helpline or MacMillan - talking will help you to feel less depressed. A x

Thank you so much xxx No, I don't smoke either so that's certainly not the cause of surpressing my immune system. It's interesting that you said you'd been through a stressed time too. Thank you, yes I will call them xxx hugs xxx

Everything will be better soon, I hope. Whenever I feel that way, I used to write and imagine stuff in my head.

SAme for me- just got my smear results