Vaginal soreness and another upcoming smear

Hi all, 


Its been a long time since I posted... Back in March/April I was diagnosed with CIN 3 and had LLETZ treatment. I'm due my check up on Monday 19th November (to say I'm crapping myself is an understatmemt) but this post isn't neseccarily about my anxiety. 


Today, I felt heaviness and may be I have on the odd occasion when I have gone to wee and thought, or was rather concerned about my cervix or may be even prolapse which sometimes my vagina does feel quite heavy. I decided I would check my cervix to have a feel as to be honest I haven't ever since this all happened. I have a partner and we barely have sex because inside I'm freaking out I'll get HPV or worse, cancer. I even can't use tampons anymore because I'm terrified of anything up there... anyway I decided to check, and upon entering my vagina it felt sore and my walls felt sore and when I come to my cervix it felt so sore, out of shape and instantly I am now in panic overload. 


Has anyone had anything similar? Or suffer from sensitive down there now and soreness? Its been months since my treatment and sometimes it can be uncomfortable during sex when I have had it like I have to position myself to make sure we don't bump my cervix too much. I would just like some comfort and reassurance or if I should be worried?

I'm terrified as my appointment for them to have to open me up wide as it'll be so sore and scared what they'll see to be honest... :(