trying to cope

Hi everyone,
I’m new to this, I can’t find any forums for the type of cancer I’ve got, the gyne nurse told me previously to look on jo’s trust. Last August I was diagnosed with a vaginal tumour after going to my gp with symptoms which I kept being told was endometriosis for months. I have completed treatment, I had radiotherapy, chemotherapy and brachytherapy. I was left feeling poorly and struggled with side effects. I have a lovely supportive partner, daughter, parents and friends but I’m struggling to cope. I’m physically better than I was but emotionally not, I’m not sleeping well, I’m reliving things like it is happening now, crying often, I rang my mum earlier this evening sobbing. My friends are lovely but sometimes it’s hard to talk to them, one friend in paticular doesn’t seem to listen. I’m worrying constantly, I am managing to go out a bit but won’t go out alone as I still feel weak and have lost what confidence I had. I guess I’m posting to see how other ladies feel and to talk to people in a similar position,

Hi Sarah I am so sorry to hear you are going through a really difficult time i hope you will find your strength again soon. Sarah I have just read your post and I can say with all honesty you are a really strong person look what you have come through wow!!! I was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer on the 18th of december and had my MRI results yesterday I was told the Cancer may be in my bowel too. Sarah I have not started my treatment yet but your story has inspired me you are so brave & strong. Please dont be so hard on yourself but give yourself a pat on the back for all you have come through. I am not surprised you feel really emotional you have been through so much physically and mentally. Sometimes the Mental impact of your situation can take longer to heal than tthe physical scars. If your symptoms continue talk to your GP are one of the team who have been treating you they will be happy to give you some advice. Sarah i hope things improve for you soon. Keep in touch. Hugs xxxxxxxxxx


I'm still going through the treatment so I can't give you any advice. I can say though, I know I'll be exactly the same and it worries me.  I don't want to live my life in fear. 

I had a blood clot on my lung 5 years ago and I really struggled to go to bed at night, always fearing I would wake up with the same pains and this time not get to hospital on time. Or I was scared if I got banged while I was on the warfarin I would bleed to death. 

It was so hard and I really struggled. Someone told me it would take a year. I'd add to this and say at least 2. Then something kicked in and I stopped worrying about it. I can't say what, it just got less and less.  You've been through  a lot. Your body has been through a lot and your mind has gone through a lot more. 

This is just something that you need to get through.  There's no quick fix, no short cut. 

The friends that don't listen to you, don't talk to them about it, the ones that listen  talk to and your mum. They want to be there for you so let them be. 

I sometimes think you have to hit rock bottom before you can lift yourself up, cos only you can do it but you will need support.  

Post on here, time and time again, whenever you need cos it really helps.

Do what you need to do. After my blood clot I went to A&E at least 6 times fearing it was happening again. It never did but it was what I needed to do. 

Di you have the all clear now? If so concentrate on that. Concentrate on keeping your body healthy, exercise,  eat the right foods etc, do what you can so you feel you're stopping this disease coming back.

Maybe set yourself a goal, sign up for one of the 5 or 10k runs. It's something to work towards and once you can achieve that goal you know you can move forward x 

Sending you love x 

I'm sorry to hear it has spread to your bowel kumagill.  

Do you have your treatment plan? 

Hoe are you feeling


Hi Philleepa I will be having Chemo & Rad the same as you then Bracy I go into Hospital for a few days next tuesday I am really nervous. Had yours spread to your Bladder? Philleepa i read your posts and it gives me courage and strength to see how well you are doing thank You for sharing it with us. I hope you continue to do well I will be thinking about you and wishing you a full recovery xxxxxxxxxx

Hi Sarah,

you are not alone in feeling like this after everyhing we go through,

after the event we have time to think about what we have been through.

Its a tough one and I had to have some help to get my head round it.

Please call the macmillan helpline or your localcancer center.It really

helps to talk to other people that have been through it,whatever type

of cancer they had the reactions are the same.

Jo's is a great friendly site to get it all of your chest.

Friends find it hard,its not an easy thing to understand.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Take care

Becky x

Yes mine is in my bladder wall.  I don't know if that makes a difference to being actually in the bladder?? 

It's a very scary time isn't it but we need to focus on the word CURABLE  because that's what the Dr's have said. 

Mine has also spread down into my vagina and is 7cm. 

Once the treatment starts,  a calm seems to take over. It becomes 'normal '. 

I had a couple of visits to the hospital before treatment started, kidney test and lining up for radiotherapy, also a trip round the chemo ward. All boring but necessary.  

I'm hoping to keep up my journal in the hope of alleviating other people's fears. 

Don't forget,  we are all in this together and will support each other x 

Philleepa thanks your story is so like mine I went in a low way on Monday when they told me you have given me hope. I have been reading your posts again thank you I know i am getting through this. I feel like I am back on track i can feel positive again i just lost my way for a few days. I would be lost without all the support i get on here from you and all the others it is overwhelming. I hope your treatment continues to go well keep us updated. Best wishes & Hugs xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Sarah,

I also came down with an emotional bump when all the treatment had finished. I went for counselling and it really helped me so much. As Becky has said above, MacMillan should be able to help you find somebody suitable.

Be lucky :-)

Hi,  thank you  for your kind words, I'm  sorry to hear what you are going through,  when will you start your treatment?. It's so hard to be brave and strong and some days it feels like some horrible surreal situation. I feel so angry too as I had been visiting the gp for months and been ignored. Your definately right physically you can start to feel better but mentally its hard, sending you hugs too xxxx

Hi phillips, I understand your words about not wanting to live your life in fear, it’s finding that balance, every little niggle now puts me on edge. I think you get a diagnosis, then see oncology, start treatment, go through treatment, feel poorly and then when it stops and you start to feel better the impact hits. How far into treatment are you?, is it chemotherapy and radiotherapy?, it’s so gruelling but necessary.
I understand it’s hard for everyone around me and I hate that we are going through this, one friend I just have to repeat myself to her over and over like before I started treatment she would ask so when do you start treatment and what days are chemo repeatedly, even my normally placid mum got frustrated with her one day, I just think I don’t want to keep repeating myself!.
All I know at the moment is on my last scan before my brachytherapy it had shrunk from6cm to 3mm I see gyne in march and think I have a repeat mri then. The run is something I had thought of when I get strength back up. I hope you are coping with treatment and sending you hugs and well wishes xx

Hi Becky, I have been referred to and started seeing a clinical psychologist but I don’t feel we have touched on anything as yet, there’s so many thoughts and feelings going on. I understand it’s hard for friends, it’s hard for everyone but one friend as lovely as she is really does not process anything I say to her x

Hi, thank you, I am seeing a clinical psychologist but don’t feel we have touched on things yet, I’ve had 2 sessions and she only sees patients who have had a cancer diagnosis x

Hi, thank you, I am seeing a clinical psychologist but don't feel we have touched on things yet, I've had 2 sessions and she only sees patients who have had a cancer diagnosis x

If she's a specialist cancer psychologist I'm sure she'll work out just fine for you.

Be lucky :-)