Hi everyone, I'm on day 3 (is that all?!) of radio and had 1 chemo (Monday) and I feel like crap. Physically and mentally. Feel sick but hungry, tired but restless and emotionally numb. Don't want to do anything or talk to anyone. I suffer with depression and have been medicated for the last 6 + years, maybe the steroids are affecting my mental state? Don't know what to do with myself :(
xxx
Hi lc
im so sorry your having such an awful time. I just wanted to share with you as I also struggled with feeling very down. It was always the first couple days after chemo I felt so low and dark. I think it was the steroids as it faded after I stopped them. I coped by trying to force myself to do things and when I was really low just assured myself it was the steroids and it would pass.
I had really bad sickness weeks three abe four but I told the staff and they were really good at getting on top of it.
five weeks will seem so far away now but it will fly in and you will get through this.
i hope things get a bit easier for you. Stay strong and thinking about you.
im finished chemo and radio and brachy next week so feel free to shout me if you want.
kimmy
Hi Louise,
Sorry you are feeling down just at the moment :-( It's now quite difficult for me to recall with much accuracy how I was during my first week of treatment, but probably very much the same as you are feeling now. I think the best I can suggest is that when you are feeling tired and floppy just take to your bed, and when you are feeling that bit more restless take yourself out for a little walk somewhere. I was lucky enough to be close to a bustling city-centre so it was quite easy for me to go window-shopping. I find that looking at new and colourful things really helps me. It's not necessary to buy anything :-)
Be lucky :-)
Tivoli
Thanks Kimmy, it does feel far away. I will try to force myself to do stuff, that sounds like a good plan. Best wishes to you hunny x
Thanks Tivoli I will try that as I live near the town. Xxx
Hi, I too was the same I was really low at points when I was going through my chemo as I was very very poorly and couldn't get out the house as I was always sleeping and when I felt ok to go out I couldn't walk far as I would get so exhausted I would have to come home and sleep! The best thing to do is listen to your body - if it wants sleep sleep - it's majorly annoying but I listened to mine I would even fall asleep whilst having my chemo! I also suffered from really bad sickness and would "cope" as the multi pul anti sickness tablets I had wouldn't work and I regret it now as I made myself so poorly where I couldn't physically eat I put myself in a position where I become so poorly I couldn't walk and become skin and bones (I'm only 5ft 1) - I'm fine now as I had new anti sickness tablets which worked and I haven't been sick for 3/4 weeks now and I've finished my chemo and radiotherapy and I am on my bracatherpy now which doesn't make me sick.
I would have extremely low days where I would just sit and cry - I even planned my funeral as I have advanced cancer - I felt at points like giving up but I knew that I couldn't and wouldn't. I am so glad I had that attitude as my cancer has now shrunk to the size of a pea - once I heard this the darkness lifted and I'm plowing ahead with the last part of my treatment. Don't get me wrong I know it can grow again and I'm fully prepared for that.
I met with my doctor and my mum was with me (she thinks that if you cry your so depressed and you need anti depressants - she over analysis things) and she mentioned to my doctor that I had been down and I too have a history of depression (from the age of 11) I don't take tablets as I know how to deal with it when I get an episode. My doctor was worried about me as I don't really react to things when I was told it was cancer I just said ok and when they thought it has spread and they mentioned stopping treatment I just sat there - I suppose not a normal reaction - so she recommend me to a phychiatrist and I've been today not that I needed to as I am fine. I found that even though I didn't need to go I found opening up about things really refreshing and I felt like a weight had gone from my shoulders. I also learnt some stuff about myself that I didn't know.....although I won't see them again as it's not needed this maybe benifical to you?
Just mention at your next meeting how low your feeling as sometimes talking to someone really does help.
Adding to what Carmel has just said, I think the word 'psychiatrist' may seem a bit off-putting but I found that counselling did me a power of good. You may find that MacMillan can put you in touch with a specialist cancer counsellor. I also suffered from depression many years ago. I have now learnt that it's 'reactive depression' and CBT worked a treat for me.
Be lucky :-)
Tivoli
