Too scared to move on


I had my 6 month check up in December after treatment to remove cancerous cells. It's been a long & stressful road but I got the all clear after that.

I am now finding it hard to move on through the fear of it coming back. I find it hard to be intimate with my partner because I think if I do i'll trigger it. I suffer with water infections so anything sexual sets panic into me. I am so worried i'm going to lose him, he's been so good but is becomming frustrated with me because I just cant ove on.

My best friend died in October from cervical cancer, she was only 24. I cant get over that either.

My family think it would be worth talking to someone about my troubles & what i'm worried about. Do you think it's worth doing that? Has anyone else gone through the stage of not wanting to be intimate and how did you get past it?

Any help would be amazing, I really need it.

Thank you,

Jem x

Hi Jem

Sorry I started to reply and got called away.

It sounds like you have had a really tough time. I am so sorry about your experience with cc and the passing of your friend. You have had such a lot to deal with I am not surprised you are feeling wobbly.

I would say that an appointment with yoUr GP is a good start. They will be able to reassure you about any questions you may have about HPV (I am pretty sure a little nooky cannot reinfect you, as I believe once the virus is with you, it stays with you but can be active or dormant. So you could have heaps of sex or none at all and have an equal (unlikely) chance of the HPV virus appearing again. If you do test positive for it again, which is unlikely, you are being closely monitored and it does not automatically mean it will cause cancer *this is my understanding but GP will be more qualified to discuss*) 

Secondly you can talk about your feelings of anxiety and put steps in place to move forward. Depending on what treatment you had, you may never have had a nurse appointed to you, who are also there to support you emotionally on your journey. Although it may have been a short journey and thankfully picked up early, it doesn't mean you won't have emotional scars from it, especially having lost your friend. Also I think the experience of the examinations and treatment is pretty hard. I think it must be very hard on you if you have not had to go through much poking around there before. The only way you will know if this helps is to try :-)

You could also talk to them about the UTI's you have been getting as it can be excrutiating and there may something they can do.

I hope you are able to find a way to start to move forward. You won't feel this way forever, and if your other half is worth his salt he will wait for you and help you get back on track.

Big hugs to you




Thank you so much Suzy, that was really lovely of you.

Like you, I had a LLETZ for CIN3. It might be worth me contacting my Macmillan nurse just for some comfort, I hadn't thought about that.

It's all a horrible process & so unfair. I was advised to start my family because I should think about having everything removed eventually.

Thank you so much for replying & good luck in July x

Hi Jem

Just to say too, I am not sure that they advised you correctly about having everything out. LLETZ is meant to be 95% effective, so the chances of it coming back are very slim and it is unlikely you will ever need anything more than regular smears. My god I have done sooo much googling!!

My mum had LLETZ treatment over 20 years ago (in her 40's, she is now 64) and never had to go back. All her smears have been clear since.

Also my sister in law had LLETZ under GA a good few years ago, and has been on regular 3 yearly smears for quite a few years now.

Its only once you start talking about it you realise lots of ladies have been through it. I was away at Uni when my mum had her treatment and never knew a thing about it!

You will be fine, but just need some time to come to terms with it all. Losing your friend at the same time must have really been awful. If you are on facebook hope you will do the smear for smear selfie on Sunday? Lets get everyone smeared up!  Like the Jo's page and the link is there! 




Hi Jem

Definitely get on to Macmillan, you have a whole rainbow of issues to talk through with somebody properly trained to help. We do everything that we can here but a proper Macmillan nurse is worth her weight in Gold. 

Be lucky