Tomorrow (possible triggers, flashbacks)

Will be my 3rd colp and I am so anxious it is unreal. 


I had my first last June, which resulted in immediate LLETZ. I've mentioned before, but I was unhappy with how the LLETZ was performed (felt violated, like I'd been assaulted and the nurse had burned me externally also) and I was beside myself when I had to go back for my 6 month check in January, 

Well it's been a full year now since that LLETZ, and it's come round to my time to go for my 6 monthly colp....and I am struggling to find the courage to go :(



I have a different nurse doing it now, but I keep getting flashbacks to what happened, anxiety attacks and generally feel a bit of PTSD with this. I know I sound stupid, but I can't get out my mind how powerless I felt and it's really affecting me. 


Does anyone have any tips on how I can work through this and go without bottling out? I was considering asking for a sedative but I think that sounds so bizarre...and plus I can't verbalise my real reasons behind why I want this as I find it easier to type than to actually say how this experience has affected me :(

The lletz I had recently felt like nothing happened at all. literally. Lets hope that the lady doing your letz is more experienced and you walk out of there feeling like nothing happened. xxx

also - mention what happened previously to the person you see next. they will most likely be shocked and want to put you at ease even more so. x