Hi Ladies,
I have been thinking about getting out there again in the scary world of dating. I have been single for nearly 5yrs now and I was on my own through out my cancer journey apart form my very supportive family. To be honest I don’t think i could have been strong for someone else as well as myself and yet it gives me anxiety even thinking about letting someone into my life. My daughter will be 16 this may and I don’t want to be on my own for rest of my days but am scared of being rejected or someone not coping when am unwell or having a bad day. This is my new normal and I’ve had to adjust to things. When is the rite time to tell someone you’ve had Cancer?
Adele x
Hi Adele Me too! It's been 15 months. My partner cleared off when it looked like my cancer had returned. A poor excuse for a man. But now I'm ready and I don't even know if all my equipment's working after my radical hysterectomy. I am ready to give it a try. The thing is if you don't take a risk you can't possibly have what you'd desire. Go for it. Any man worth his salt will accept all of you and your history. Jayne
PS I plan to tell a new bloke after 3 fabulous dates and before I sleep with him. He can run away then before I get too attached and if he still hangs around then he knows before hand.
Hi Adele
I think that's so great you're thinking about getting back into it again.
Jayne has some really great advice - I think 3 dates, and before sleeping is a good idea too.
Go on, see what's out there. After all that we girls have been through, we deserve nothing but the best men out there!
Rosie xx
Jayne & Rosie,
Sorry for only getting back to your replies now,never had any notifications to say I had replies. Anyway,thank you for your advice. Telling someone after 3dates sounds good but I have 2 little tattoos on each of my hands and am sure there going to ask what they mean lol. One is a small cross with sunshine rays coming out and the other is a small anchor. I was hit with depression on my 1st anniversary of being diagnosed as I never took the time to process everything and just got on with getting better and it hit me like a brick wall to say the lease. So for me they mean,strength, courage and to have a little faith.
My ex fiance is back in touch with me and I still care a lot for me and him me even though he wouldn't say it but he doesn't know the real reason I ended things and pushed him away. He was the last person I've been with but I know I can't give him a child of our own and that's why we wouldnt work. I have thought about putting it all down in a letter as you can say and explain it better as he deserves the truth. It was all to do with my health,sex life (hurting & some mild bleeding) I got scared and ruined the best thing ever.
I just don't know what to do for the best ladies. Help!!!!
Thanks for listening & reading if you do x
Just tell them! Tell your ex-fiance as well. He has the right to decide for himself (you can only decide for you not anyone else). Cutting him out is not doing him a favor. Really (I know from my own experience of being on his side of things)!! He may run but he may surprise you. Prior to surgery (hysterectomy with tubes, ovaries, parametrium and top end of vagina removed 3/29/17) I had endometrial cancer (extending into the upper cervix) so, althoug some of the details are slightly different the majority of issues are not. I have still 5 sessions of brachytherapy to the vagina to go. When you tell your dating or potential dating partners is not something that is easily kept to a rigid schedule. In order to keep from being evasive (which is not a good thing to be, in my opinion) you may have the issue staring you both in the face earlier. In the last monthe I have had "the cancer conversation" two times with two different men prior to even meeting them in person (met through reputable online services). I didn't pull punches and told them the potential long-term side effects of the radiotherapy (not looking forward to this--just had my consultation appt. with rad onco yesterday morning). At the point in our messages when it seemed clear that there was some potential I said that if they were going to seriously consider dating me that there was something I had to tell them...and that it was a very difficult thing for me to say. Then, I told them but framed it so it was realistic but not doom and gloom. I told them that my chances of cancer reoccurrence were... and that the lifetime chances of any man getting prostate cancer (to make the issue equivalent) was 12.2%. (I got this from a US gov't cancer site. Of course this is a lifetime average starting out with 0% chance when very young and increasing with age--the average being 12.2%.) To get to the punch line here: both men said that they were still in! These men are in their fifties so are not children so, maybe, that makes a difference (I just turned 67 myself!). There is more hope than you might think. I had gone through all kinds of guilt even being on the dating sites--I joined both befoe my diagnosis--but stopped feeling guilty when I realized that grown men are capable of making their own decisions and they may get or have had cancer, themselves, or a friend or family member...etc. Just do it! Once you say the truth--and it IS very hard to say--regardless of how they respond, your dread is gone.
Hello Ive been on 6 dates lately and I told 3 of them at our first meeting that I'd had cancer. They couldn't care less. They ask me if I'm OK now and then we move on to the next conversation. It didn't stop 2 of them wanting to meet again but alas I didn't fancy them. Jayne
