well I've been keeping a close eye on this forum in my darkest days and thought I would now. I've always had normal smears and then had my daughter 3 years ago. My smear test came up not long after after giving up and stupidly ignored. Until 5 weeks ago I got another reminder, so bit the bullet and booked. Very nervous but felt pleased to just get it over with. The nurse mentioned I had thrush and that was it. Until s few weeks later, I got the letter to say it was severely abnormal. It was the biggest shock. I spent the 3 weeks in run up to colposcopy crying, ringing up my nurse, hospital, cancer helpline. Just awful. But yesterday I had the apt. I was so scared. In hindsight, it was not painful, but just VERY cub comfortable and had terrible pains last night. I did ask the dr if he thought it was cancer and he said 'no, but....' Why the but? I guess he can't say for sure. I'm just so terrified. I'm trying to be all jolly as everyone's excited for Christmas and all I can think about is 'is this my last Christmas' if it is cancer, will they ring me? And will it be sooner?