im waiting to start treatment a week on Monday but felt a wee vent is needed.
im wondering if anyone feels the same as me. I expected to think about mortality and be thinking I'm in the fight of my life but it's the little things about cancer that I find throw my positivity off. Like today my friends and I had got a hotel voucher so hit the pool and spa area. My tumour is an angry thing that bleeds when touched so I'm too scared to use tampons plus feel smelly so basically sat by the pool in my shorts and t shirts, I miss swimming.
also I miss having a minor ache or I'll feeling and dismissing it, instead now I worry about every minor ailment and ache. I also now hate showering as terrified I'll feel something is wrong when I'm washing.
i know this prob sounds weird but it's these small things that make me sad, I just feel cancer has taken so much already. I know I don't sound positive but I am being and I know these sna things have to be put up with its just its those things that serve as a daily reminder!
It's fine to vent! We all have days when we feel like this and we can't expect our friends and family to shoulder it all. just the same as we can't shoulder it all ourselves, that is what this site is so good for. A safe place where you can speak your mind to other people who understand exactly what it feels like to be you at the moment. I'm really sorry to hear that you feel you have to miss out on swimming, especially in Summer! Poor you! At the moment, when you are newly diagnosed and waiting for treatment to start it's completely understandable that you feel as though cancer has taken over your whole life, but unless you are extraordinarily unlucky this is just a phase. You will come out the other side of treatment fit and well and happy. There will be permanent changes too. You will never forget about this reminder that life is not permanent. Life is a gift to be enjoyed while it lasts, and hopefully you will grasp it with both hands and make the most of it :-)
I know what you mean. I was diagnosed last week and was totally prepared to be told I had CC, I was fine. I have total faith in the NHS and, having had regular smears, I am optimistic it has been caught early.
But when they said I might have to have a hysterectomy ASAP and that I might need to miss my holiday (my sister and family live abroad and we are meeting them in Spain) I burst into tears. If I have it after my holiday, I will miss the first few weeks of the new term (I am a teacher), which will be a nightmare to plan for. Also, my friends are having a big party which I may not be fit for.
No it is certainly not fair. Cancer is a b&%ch. Rant all you like, that's what we're here for. For me now (half way through treatment) it's the really small things. Arranging to meet with friends is a nightmare as I don't know from one day to the next how tired I might be. Just having a shower wipes me out, washing my hair- well that's a marathon some days!! This being said my treatment is working beyond expectations for this point in the program. With this in mind I am very grateful that the technology is around to help me.
2 weeks 1 day to go the another 3 and a half before we go on our holidays.
Spacio- Have you got a date for your hysterectomy yet? To be honest even if you had it next week you'll almost certainly miss the beginning of term. Maybe you should ask what the risks for delaying it are and have your holiday if you can. Your mental health is also important and spending time with your family having fun and thinking about other things will help no end.
Hi Kimmy, I'm Louise. I've just had the shock of being diagnosed with cc. I too panic at every slight ache or pain, worrying that it something horrible is spreading through my body. It's all I seem to think about at the moment. Feel like I can make any plans and life is on hold. Got another week and a half before I find out more results (whether it is just stage 1 or not) and course of action. It's going to be the longest 12 days of my life!
Kimmy - for me I had a ridiculous reaction to buying more darned sanitary towels - and fitting them in under my bikini, mind you in Cornwall it wasn't often bikini weather. Do remember that you will have these ups and downs, I had to remember this recently as I got ill from stress which sent me over the edge. I know what you mean - the little things...
Lots of love, and while I think of it - if you are getting medical help for the bleeding you might ask if it will affect your iron levels which are important when it comes to treatment. At least today at pre-op the nurse took bloods again as I had been bleeding following LLETZ - anaemia more likely she said. We all need our blood to be superduper.
