The Big S.E.X (children mentioned)

Hi everyone,
Happy New Year, I hope everyone is as well as they can be :slight_smile:
I’m hoping for some honest replies here, I know it’s a personal topic but I would love to hear from some ladies who have been through this.
I have been told that I need a hysterectomy for 1b adenocarcinoma, they wanted to remove my ovaries but I asked could I please keep them as I do not want to be plunged into menopause .
I am extremely concerned about sex after treatment. It may seem silly considering this is a life-saving measure but I do want to have a full life after treatment.
My partner and I have a wonderful sex life, we match each other perfectly, it is as if we were designed for eachother. I love everything about him in that department and it is a HUGE part of our closeness. I have been in tears everyday thinking of how this operation is going to destroy that. I asked my consultant if there is a possibility that I may never have an orgasm again, he said that is a possibility because of the nerves to the clitoris being cut in the parametrium. I have read about vaginal shortening, lack of lubrication, and men saying that the vagina does not feel as good.
I am devastated to think that not only is this cancer robbing me of my ability to carry children, it is also going to rob me of the gift and joy of a fulfilling intimate life with my lovely man. And robbing him of it too. I fear so much that he will go off me, find me less desirable etc. He says he won’t. But neither of us know how this surgery is going to affect me.
I’m not looking for “you’ll be fine, it’ll be great, nothing will be different” from you ladies, I’m looking for honesty because I need to mentally prepare myself, and him. I know everyone is different and everyone’s experience post-treatment is individual to themselves but I’d love to hear some of your experiences. And please be honest, I can take it! Thanks, I know how personal this is, and it’s difficult to write.
I hope everyone who is waiting for, going through and recovering from treatment is doing well and keeping positive.

Hi there

Happy new year to you too. 

I was in the exact same position as you thoughts wise back last year, think I may have even asked the same question.  As that side of things has always been very important to me and having spoke to others I was thinking that's it, my sex life is over. My cousin said she couldn't feel anything down there etc so I was in bits thinking the exact same thing as you. But to be honest she was quite a bit older than me (I am 35)  and don't thinkbthat side of things has ever been v important to her.

Fast forward 3 months after hysterectomy. My consultant said that would be his advised time for complete healing. We did the deed and can honestly say it isn't much different as you still have vagina and cliteris in place. It's just the cervix which I had always thought made me have o's but perhaps it did sometimes but the fact is I can still have an enjoyable sex life and have o's. I think it probably is different for some people and sorry I hope I haven't upset anyone by my honest answer. 

I think there's always a percentage of people who say it has effected their sex life but from speaking to other people now some say it has not effected some have got better (not sure about that personally I suppose if you were in pain previously maybe). 

I have asked my husband if it has changed and he said honestly not one bit, think I would know if he was lying anyway. I think maybe you have to initially try different positions etc/ mentally adjust to everything you have been through and after 6 weeks recovery there are still ways to be intimate without intercourse.  

I kept my ovaries but decided I would get 6-12 month check ups/scan, even if that meant personally paying (not that we could afford it but I felt would like to keep an eye on them. 

Please pm me if you would like anymore info.


No such thing as too much info on this site

Hi Maeve :-)

I was 50 at diagnosis and already just starting menopause symptoms. I had a radical hysterectomy including ovary removal (stage 2b) and was devastated to be told that more than half my vagina had been removed. I cried and cried and cried about sex never being the same again. It was definitely different but we could both still achieve orgasm. My shortened vagina meant that my husband felt he needed to be more careful but we worked around that. But I was also sent for chemo-radiation which I understand dries out the vagina. Slowly over the course of a few years I found that sex made my vagina sting and it became no fun for me so we have given it up entirely. My husband misses it so much and I feel very guilty about having gone totally off the boil. I am also not permitted to have HRT. I have no doubt that if I were in UK that more would have been done to help maintain a healthy sex life. What I am trying to say here is that if you are both determined to maintain a fulfilling sex life then I am sure you will be able to.

Be lucky :-)

Hi Maeve

I'm coming up for 9 months post radical hyst (kept my ovaries) and so it's probably a good point to 'asses' how things are going in the bedroom department! Like you - and let's be honest- most people facing the op, I worried about the consequences on the big O and intimacy in general. 

My husband and I have always had a really good sex life, but my op also happened less than a year after a Caesarian. My body's went through these 2 major surgeries in under 12 months, but....this is the good news, despite sometimes general tiredness being a barrier, in terms of sensation, I don't feel any different. I think, due to the shortened cervix, sometimes we have to be a little more careful, but in terms of the achieving orgasm, that's all good. 

I think most girls who've gone through the op must have that massive sigh of relief the first time it happens after surgery! Pun intended. 

Everyone's body will of course be different, but (without any medical basis) I'd presume if you could do it before, you can still do it! 

Best of luck & happy healthy wishes to you! 


Hi! Here is a quick summary of my experience. I am 5m post-op and actually it is OK.  Married 15 yrs. The whole thing brought us closer together, and part of that has been trying out my new 'vault' as the Doc called it. After the op I was suprised at how short it was. It might be something you can talk about with the surgeon- not sure how they decide this. It is up to you at the end of the day. Husband said they should have measured him ;-) However we are finding that the only change is that shortness - and as time goes by this is getting better, I am more confident about the stitches being healed and I think it is all stretching. No nerve probs or anything like that. So, not the same but still good. Like so many aspects of this! I had 2b adenocarcinoma, just found out! 

My Dr said no reason to take oVaries. Again is up to you. You can get second opinion if you feel you need it. Good luck! I got upset about my lymph nodes, that was my monkey ;-) wishing you well xxx