Tears today

I thought i was coping with things quite well, had my colposcopy on monday and booked for letz on 28th April, i couldnt sleep last night, why is it your brain goes into overdrive at bedtime? I got up messed about on the laptop for a bit then went back to bed. Today i couldnt hold the tears back, my family arent good at understanding this stuff so i tend to keep my worries hidden but today i cant. I know what to expect, its my second lot in six months for High grade changes plus a HPV + result this time but i cant work out whether maybe the surgeon missed some cells last time or theyve grown back in which case should it have happened that quick to get to cin 3 again? I was referred to a different hospital this time, i have no idea why only that the hospital i went to before has had a lot of bad press lately which also scares me slightly. I would have been having the lletz on the 15th but due to a booked holiday in scotland they said it was fine to put it off till the 28th so i have it the day after i come back.This hospital rang and gave me dates for the letz the afternoon of the day i had the colposcopy so at least i'm not having to stalk the postman like i did last time, what a rollercoaster, Heidi

Oh flossyplops (fantastic user name!!) I couldn't read and not reply!! I have absolutely zero advice for turning your brain off - I had many many many sleepless nights/nights where I finally fell asleep at 3 or 4 only to have to get up and go to work. i think sometimes all you can do is ride it out :( did you get any information about margins after your first colposcopy? In all likelihood, as you've said, the person who did your first one just missed a bit and this follow up will just be to get rid of anything remaining x x x x

Thankyou so much for replying Becky, i did get some info about the margins at the last lletz and was told the cells went up to them but they hoped that when they burnt around the edges that they got rid of any cells hanging around at the edges. All this waiting is awful and i think detrimental to our health but theres nothing we can do about it, the joy of being a woman hey ;) (ps i noticed somehow i posted the same thread twice but couldnt find any way to delete the duplicate?) Heidi

Hi Heidi,

That's good (...odd use of the word good!) it probably just means they're getting the little bits the missed before :) I agree with the stress and worry though - I didn't really truly relax until my last smear came back ok. Nearly two years of constantly having a worry at the back of your mind is not good! Oh to be one of those people who can dismiss things... all you can do is take the best care of yourself you can - relax as much as possible (great excuse for nail painting, face masks, long baths (before, not after LLETZ lol)) and do all the other stuff that's good for you - don't eat too much cake (I fail at this) don't eat too many bisucits (I fail at this too)... generally eat well, drink water, and exercise... but I think most of us do (or try and do) that anyway! x x x x