well I guess its no secret as to how completely freaked out I am about my colposcopy next wednesday. With repeated panic attacks and palpatations I decided to go n pay my GP a visit. He was amazing, he talked me right through the procedure and wanted to know all my fears at each step. He has upped my medication at night (I actually slept last night for the first time in two weeks) and has given me some beta blockers for my palpatations. He even showed me an image of "the chair" and talked me through how it works.
The thing that actually touched me the most though was that I explained that I had had a bad experience once with a metal speculum, and was concerned that I'd turn up to find that that's what they'd be using. He told me to wait a mo and left the room, only to return five minutes later with a small plastic speculum (sealed, of course) and declared "there, you have this. Your very own speculum - now if you turn up and find they have a metal one, you can tell them that you've brought your own!" I really laughed! I have got to be the only woman to take my own speculum to a colposcopy exam!
He said he'd do anything if it puts my mind at ease and this was something I could now tick off my list of worries :-) he has no idea how much that simple act of kindness has helped me a step further on my way.
Another thing, that may be relevent to other people too, is that he has also given me a prescription for tablets called Norithisterone (sp?) - he said that, for a lot of women, the wait for appointments can make them very anxious (no kidding!) and then to find out that they get their period that day or that week could possibly delay the procedure and therefore increasing the anxiety. So hes given me this tablet to take 3 times a day from Monday through to Wednesday to prevent my period coming. Apparently its used for women who are, for example, going on holiday or getting married, I guess where having their period occuring would be inconvenient. Another worry ticked off :-)
Every day I feel calmer and more n more in control leading up to the colposcopy. As Ive said before, quite how I'll be on the day remains to be seen but at least Im functioning in the meantime. I really feel Im taking control of this and that means so much xx