Struggling :/

Hi, I wanted to get some advice/ have a rant and no one else understands me. I feel so stuck, I am physically still in a lot of pain almost 8 weeks post op. I can walk maybe 5 mins, very slowly. Sitting at a table is a massive struggle, I do persevere occasionally but then pay for it. As a result I'm not getting out much, I feel stuck in the house and it's tearing me apart as I'm getting annoyed with the mess that I can't clean. My partner has been wonderful until now, but he doesn't seem to get it and I'm increasingly just crying. This morning he's shouting about all the negativity and frustration he's feeling. I'm emotionally all over, I am so angry then so upset. I can't think straight and am blaming myself for us both essentially being frustrated over the same thing. I really don't know what to do :/

jo. i didnt go out for nearly 3 month and to fully recover it took about a year.i no about how frustrated you must be but wont be long before youwillbeback feelinglike yourself and remember you have had major surgery. your partner will not no what to do for best and will not understand what your going through and what your feeling. it's along road jo but you will find the strength. text me if you want to talk or just rant.come on girl you can do this xxx

Thank you Jane. I think these wobbles are coming in 4 week cycles....I kept my ovaries so I guess hormones are playing their part. I've had 2 days of complete rest and feel better for it. Can I ask how long you were off work for? My sick leaves runs out in 2 weeks but I very much doubt ill be ok to go to work by then.

I’ve bought a wonderful book called the Cancer Survivor’s Companion to try and work through the emotions. Every time I try to read it I end up in a pile sobbing! Perhaps I’m not ready to face it head on just yet.


hi jo, i had my op in june and started back to work in january. it  to take forever to get back to feeling ok.go back to your gp if you dont feel ready to go back to work.take all the time you need. even now i still get pelvic pain and i also et that heavy feeling too. they took my ovaries so im on hrt but i no what you mean about hormones haha. sometimes im so snappy. im at jessops on thursday for another check up. fingers crossed. dont rush things and take your time. it will get easier trust me xxx

Hi Jo - just wanted to say that this is major surgery and a major life stress and it does take time to recover both physically and emotionally.  Do try to be patient with and kind to yourself - I keep telling myself that I need to tell myself what I'd tell my best friend if she was going through something like this.

As I have said in other posts, I have managed to tap into support from my Jo' Trust support group and from my local Maggie's Centre and I am finding that very helpful. It's good to be able to go and talk about how you feel with people who aren't your nearest and dearest who are often in no place to help you with your troubles when they are also trying to deal with their own.

By the same token, the one person your partner shouldn't be laying his frustration on is you. It's totally understandable but it's really not fair. You didn't choose this and you need to focus on your own recovery. Sounds like he needs a mate to take him out for a beer or something (not that most men talk about things like this to each other much).

In another post on Relationships, I put in a link to an article in the LA Times about 'How Not to Say the Wrong Thing'. If you think it would help it might be worth showing him, although not as a s direct criticism - I am sure I am not alone in having plenty of friends and family who I can use as subtle examples of people who I wish had read it!

Here it is again

So, sorry for waffling on a bit - my main point is that you are still at an early stage and you can't rush these things. Take it easy and be good to yourself.

With love. xxx

Thanks Rosehip,

We had a big heart to heart and things are better now. He was feeling a bit inadequate in that he didn’t know how to help me now I don’t need socks putting on etc.

There’s no maggies here but there is a place called the Cavendish Centre which offer various therapies and will see me within 5 days of contacting them. Going to see them soon.

I’ve had a good weekend and even been to the cinema which was unthinkable 2 weeks ago :slight_smile:


Wow jo1982 I feel exactly the same infancy writing to u in my bedroom after an absolute blazing row downstairs with my fiancé of 11 yrs we also have 2 kids one is 2 and other is 6 my six yr old is  also autistic and has dyspraxia so we have added strain in household my partner has always been very unemotional and I feel everytime I try to talk to him he closes up either snaps or avoids me I only found out 2 days ago I had cervical cancer and was took straight in today to have a bigger biopsy taken  general anersetic I came home tonight and I dunno just expected more support I lost it and started shouting its not me this seems to have taken over me so please chick I'm telling u this to let u no ur so not alone and if u want to chat to me please do in all fairness i could do with a chat to xx

Hi Mazzy,

How are you doing? I'm so sorry you've been diagnosed and you're not getting the support you need from home. I'm ok now and whilst we had some ups and downs my partner and I are doing well. The day I posted this I wrote my partner a letter and we had a big long chat about things. Because he'd effectively been my 'carer and rock' for 2 months it'd got too much for him too. Things improved afterwards.

I think a lot of the time the menfolk don't know what to say, or how to help, and are probably very scared themselves.

I hope things are a bit better today, we're all here for a rant if not.

Take care xx