Struggling with the whole hair thing even after remission

Hi everyone, I originally came on here the beg 2022. I had just been diagnosed, was lucky enough to get on the interlace trial, which now thankfully will be helping women like us in the future. Im in remission and it’s the trial chemo that did that, I lost my hair, was quite traumatic going from black hair down your back to chopping it off short then my husband shaving my head because it all came out on the top in the bath. So after I was told I was in remission I fancied a change, something short and funky, I was already grey/white but had dyed it for years. So I embraced the new original colour, at the minute it’s pink, but still short. I’d already decided I was going to grow it longer. Very recently my husband has decided to call it a day after being together 18 years. No explanation apart from the I don’t love you anymore. A couple of times when we were together he would mention my hair but not say he didn’t like it, but the night before he went he said he hated the grey. Today I found some pictures of myself before when I had my long hair, I’ve had a complete meltdown about it. Is it just because he’s gone? Am I suffering some sort of post treatment traumatic hair thing? I don’t know. I don’t feel like I can’t talk to anyone because I don’t think anyone else would understand. I’ve only realised looking at the photos that I actually look like a completely different person. Am I just being silly,

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Hi @jixernick , what a very difficilt time you’re going through, im so sorry. I dont know your marriage of course but im fairly sure that if your hair is one of the reasons your husband left that you can find someone more deserving of your love. Losing your hair can be really difficult but you were strong and embraced the change. You should be surrounded by people who support and love you for that. I hope im not speaking out of turn, you’re not being silly as all emotions are valid, but i think you are brave and strong! Keep loving yourself just as you are xx

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I’m so sorry you are struggling with the aftermath of the trauma caused by cancer. You’re bit beeing silly at all, you’ve been through hell and back and now that treatment is over you will find yourself in the middle of the wreckage that cancer caused.

It is traumatic, loosing your hair, loosing the safe feeling of living to be 100 and to have your husband leave you is just a shitty thing to do.

But, you are a different person. It just takes time and healing to learn this new person is so strong, and she can do anything. Rock a pink Pixy cut is just one of many things you van do.

Take your time to heal, to mourn the loss of the life you had, it’s okay. You don’t have to be this happy survivor, because even though you survived , it doesn’t make the heartbreak any less :rose::rose:

I’ve been through chemo rads 4 years ago and am physically doing really well, but I can’t look at pictures from that time without having the biggest feeling of heartache. It is so painful , but I promise you, you will feel better. It just takes time to get to know the new you and mourn the old you

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My heart hurts reading about your circumstances. I think for many women we carry a lot of our identity in our appearance and our hair has a lot to do with that. When these things change and you no longer look like yourself, it can be an adjustment to getting back to yourself and re-learning who you are. At the end of the day, your hair is trivial - it will grow back, you can change it’s color, change it’s length, etc. I do not know your husband, but I can say confidently that if he was the type of person that would end an 18 year long relationship simply because your hair went grey (which is supposed to happen naturally as you age anyways), then you deserve so much better. I’d go even farther to say that a husband ending a relationship with his wife after 18 years that feels the need to insult your hair color as he’s on his way out the door is not the support you should be surrounding yourself with during a time like this. You deserve better. Grieve your relationship, but know that there is always a silver lining somewhere. Grieve the loss of the “old you” that feels like a different person, but remember and celebrate that you are still you, just in a shiny new package. You are not silly for feeling how you feel and there are many of us that do understand the identity crisis that comes with a major physical change, but please do not blame yourself or what you’ve been through for anything. Just keep putting one foot in front of another - seek counseling if you feel it could be helpful to talk to a professional and we’re all here for you. Sending hugs.

thank you @cocorose22 and to @Izzy76 and @Georgiethallasso. I’m a lot better, had time to get my head round it all a bit more now. I found it hard cos you spend so much time trying to cope with the treatment and beat this disease that you don’t realise other things are maybe falling apart around you and you don’t know or aren’t told. I believe now from what he’s said in between the lines he wasn’t happy and maybe stayed because of my diagnosis. We got closer but it wasn’t enough. So it would be my 8th wedding anniversary on Boxing Day and I’m spending it going for a walk on the beach with my boys. I’ve had fun with my hair but I did love it the colour it used to be, so I might do that on my wedding anniversary too, not because of what he said, but I do miss the old me and I think I need a bit of the old me back to cope with all this at the moment . I’m glad I found this group, everyone is so supportive, and always have the time to have a chat to help everyone else :))

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