Struggling to cope (children mentioned)

Hi all,

Its been a while since I was on here, I have been in remission for over a year now! I went to a check up the other day and my consultant was very pleased with my progress. I habe been referred for an mri as its been nearly a year since I last had one and it's just a precaution, well this has sent me overboard I'm so worried I feel like I'm not coping at all! What if it's back? I'm too young to die? I need to see my kids grew up they are only 4 and 6 and I'm only 25 myself. I'm sorry if I am coming across as insensitive to anyone battling with a reoccurrence its not my intention to upset anyone. One of my school friends committed suicide this week and I coukdnt help but feel what a selfish horrible thing to do, when there are people like me trying to make sure I survive to be old and grey. Again I didn't mean to cause offence to anyone I'm just trying to give an insight if my brain this week. I was fine up until I was referred for an MRI life was nearly normal again and this has just pushed me back, I can't cope with the thought of being told its back, also doesn't help when you see statistics for cc stage 2b I just feel like I'm living on borrowed time.

I just need to know I'm not going insane and there is still hope for me being able to see my kids grow up and not leave my husband a widower at 30 :-(

 

Thanks for reading,

 

Laura

Hi Laura

First off do NOT feel guilty for feeling worried or for feeling angry about your friend. Those are very natural feelings especially when you consider what you've already been through. It sounds like having an MRI is bringing back all those bad feelings of when you were going through this last year, but just remind yourself that its just a precaution.

Do you have long to wait for the MRI?

Thanks for your reply. Your right it is bringing back all the horrible things that I went through last year. My mri is next Monday so I don't have to long a wait and I will get the results on the Thursday after my mri, so at least I won't be waiting too long xx

Hi Laura. am have done 21 out of 28 radios and I also know exactly where you're coming from re the anxiety thing...at the moment I feel consumed by fear of it coming back, and I haven't even finished my treatment (I had a radical first also). My chemo was stopped after the first session due to an adverse reaction. I feel I am borrowing trouble and getting to fight battles I am not facing! I don't know how to stop it! Sending much love xxx

Hi Laura, it's natural to feel worried but focus on what you have come through and look to a happy future. It's very likely that everything is fine and the MRI will confirm that you are cancer free. Try to keep busy and you can always come on here if you are feeling wobbly.

i wish you well

karen

Hi Laura,

hang on in there honey,you have done so well.Everybody has a wobble

now and again.The MRI is always testing,but you'll get through it and

be back on track before you know it.Make sure you plan a nice treat

for yourself afterwards.

Take care

Becky x

Hi Laura,

I am so sorry to hear about your friend, that really can't have helped your emotional state. I feel deeply sorry for people who feel that suicide is their only escape and I feel equally sorry for those left behind. It's a very, very painful business.

Meanwhile, back at follow-up test anxiety - it's a bloody doozy isn't it! There you are one day happily ignoring the fact that you have beaten cancer once already, and then suddenly round the corner comes that 'Well we'd better just check to make absolutely sure" And it sets off the terrors, really it does.

I don't know how you were a year ago but when I was first admitted to hospital I hardly batted an eyelid, it was a case of "Oh! I've grown a nasty bit of thing and they have to cut me open to take it out" and that was it. But now, three years on and every six months I have to go for Bloods and X-rays and CTs and I'm so panicky I can hardly see. The anxiety levels are so bad I'm in an adrenaline rush for about six weeks which sends my blood sugar soaring and so I'm suspected of having diabetes, which I haven't, I'm just scared out of my wits.

So, you are not alone. I too was a 2b, no the statistics do not help a great deal and you shouldn't be looking at them, but they aren't so, so bad either. I'll hold your hand over the ether and you'll get past this first MRI hurdle. It's just another milestone.

Go well

Tivoli

Hi,

I know how you feel. Just when you are back with "normal" life, something turns up to give u the wobbles. I had an MRI at the end of the summer due to a lot of back ache over the previous months and feeling very tired. I was relieved the dr sent me but also didn't want to hear anything bad... It has all turned out ok but I know I will wobble again next week just before my next 3 month check up... You are not alone. 

I'm sorry to hear about your friend- she obviously thought there was no other way for her. because we have faced the prospect of death by disease, it makes us appreciate just what life is And how we want it!

good luck next week- let us know how it goes

xxx don

So sorry Laura for the loss of your friend, & for the scared feeling you're having at the moment! I only logged on today after a good while, I'm almost a year since my radical hysterectomy, still have wobbles, have had to have an MRI about 4/5 mnths ago bcause of bad back pains & tiredness (& still those zingy stabs in the groin from time to time)! Nothing came up, but I still get scared & don't know if I'll ever be 'ME' again- sorry for the drama! All the best xxxxxx

Diagnosed with CC stage 1B September 17th 2013, after biopsy which found a tumour.

Radical hysterectomy November 2013, lymph nodes removed left side

3 mnth vault smears every 3 mnths, MRI April 2014- clear for now!