Hello Jenny. I know the fear you are experiencing - I was initially diagnosed stage 1B then restaged at stage 4 after surgery, so devastating. However, that was in October 2012 and after thinking that death was imminent - lo & behold I'm still here 19 months later.
I've had the full whammy of treatments as you can read in my signature below and both follow-up scans have showed - as the oncologist puts it - 'no signs of recurrence' (I hate the term 'all clear', I wish people wouldn't use it!) I'm due another scan in August, so fingers crossed. I feel good, as good as can be mentally & physically given my outlook, if you read the statistics! I think statistics scare the pants off most ladies but remember, nothing is 100% ( I work with statistics so I know full well that there is always one that doesn't perform as you would like it or as you expect it to - doesn't fit in with what is expected almost! - you, or I could be that one!
You say you are struggling at the moment - you will struggle , for a bit, there's no point in lying to you, it comes with the teritory. Cancer strikes fear into the heart of the most brave. What will occur to you over the coming weeks & months is that you will be expected to go through a range of treatments that the specialists have planned for you. Therefore, they haven't written you off, they are going to treat this bugger & hopefully beat it into remission! So, don't you write yourself off either - get your boxing gloves on for the big fight.
Treatment may be tough, chemo certainly isn't a walk in the park for most of us. In my experience the overwhelming fear that I was going to die was taken over by getting through the treatment. I had a goal if you like, blinkers on I went head on into the brink. I got to the finish line & boy it felt great to have achieved that. I completed all active treatment exactly 1 year ago yesterday, 1st July. I've two new 'anniversaries' to add to lifes ''dates to remember''. 22/10/12 when I was diagnosed and 01/07/13 when I completed treatment.
Please be encouraged by my few words - if I can get to this point, you can as well. If there's any other questions you think I can help with please just ask, send me a private message if you'd prefer.