so confused

hi, i have recently been diagnosed with hpv after a smear test. i have been sent a letter saying there are signs of abnormal cells in my cervix. i have been with the same person for 17 years, we have bothe have had other partners before, but i have not had any sexual contact with any one or any thing other than my husband since we have been together, i have had regular smear tests, i have been reading about the virus and how the body fights off the infection and how most people never even know they had it...... so why have i got it? i do think that my husband has been unfaithfull at some point and that i might have got it that way, i have worried about his secret obsetion with porn, demanding sex and getting agressive if refused and finding womens dirty undies in his overnight bag when he worked away. i have been told there is no test for hpv in men and no way of telling if he has given it to me. i was diagnosed with m e several years ago and i really dont understand how or why this is happening to me. i asked my husband if he has had any sexual contact with anyone else and he got really shitty and told me if i think that of him then i should get out now. he denied for years that all the porn on the computer was his, even the descusting things in the search history, porn magazines and dvds turn up hidden among his things but he denied knowing any thing about that and he told me he had no idea where the dirty knickers came from. i really need help and advice with all this. i am so confused at the moment i dont know where to turn :'(

Hi Sharon

Sorry to hear you have abnormal cells and HPV.

I’m no expert but from what I’ve read HPV can stay in your body for many years. I have been with my husband for 15 years now and neither of us has had sexual contact with anyone else during that time. It has obviously stayed in my system that long and I sincerely wish my body had been able to fight it :frowning: but in my case it wasn’t to be.

HPV is really common and has no symptoms. You shouldn’t feel bad for having it. It can be sexually transmitted but my oncology nurse was quick to point out that it’s not always sexually transmitted - some people who have never had sexual contact can also have it. She was cross that it is perceived to an STD when that’s not always the case. She said the methods of transmission are still being investigated and not fully known yet.

HPV testing during pap smears has only recently started, so previously you may have been unaware you had it. So your husband hasn’t necessarily been unfaithful.

The important thing is that your HPV and abnormal cells have been discovered and can be monitored and if necessary treated.

I had a friend who had similar relationship issues and she said RELATE really helped her. She went on her own to discuss things with a counsellor but you can also go with your partner. It’s not for everyone but I thought I’d mention it in case it could help.

Good luck and best wishes
Kirsty xxx

I’ve recently been told I have HPV and I haven’t had any sexual partners at all for about 8 years, and no unprotected sex for probably about 20 years, so the time between actaully getting the virus and it showing up on a smear can be very long. HPV is a sneaky little thing that can be inactive and so undetectable for many years, and then rear it’s ugly little head. It can then go dormant for years again and pop up again just as easily. While many people’s bodies do clear it, there are those of us who are stuck with it for life, unfortunately.

It’s good that your abnormal cells have been picked up and now can be treated. It’s a very scary time, I know, and waiting for tests and results and not knowing what the outcome will be is a horrible kind of torture, but hang in there. You will get through this big hugz

Hi Sheila,
I was exactly the same as you, I wanted to know how and when I got HPV. I think I needed someone to blame but really there is no-one to blame. It has the stigma of being a sexually transmitted disease but really we all have it, some are lucky and their bodies fight it off and others (like you and I) aren’t so lucky.
I can sympathise with your relationship issues as I spent 13 years with a previous partner who was into the same “hobbies”. All I can say is that it breeds mistrust and destroys you if it’s not dealt with. You need support at a time like this, I would also recommend talking to someone about these issues. I really hope your relationship can get beyond these issues as going through something like this is enough to deal with.
Hope you are ok x

i hope this article helps share some light on just how virrulent hpv is. because it is a virus, it can lie dormant so you will test negative for it. so if 80 per cent of the population have it, the other 20 per cent may have it but are testing negative!! there is still an awful lot they dont know about this virus.