slowly driving myself crazy

Hi girls, have been reading posts for the past few weeks and I am amazed at the support you all offer each other and the courage you all have to share your experiences. Time for me to join in I think before I actually drive myself crazy, dont know how you all cope waiting for results all the time. It seems to be one of the worst parts of the whole process. Long story cut short: No smear for over 10 years August smear showed severe dyskariosis 18 Sept colposcopy and lletz to remove two sections of cervix, waiting for histology I am normally so level headed that the amount this has spun me has come as a bit of a shock, dont know how my other half has put up with me the last few weeks, he used to be an ITU nurse and is used to only seeing the 'worst case senario' so whilst he is being really supportive I know he is wigging out too. One minute I am convinced that the results will be fine, at worst CIN 3 and everything will be under control, then the next minute my experience at the colp clinic comes back to haunt me and the walls come crashing in again. After taking so long to pluck up the guts to go for a smear in the first place the thought of having a colposcopy was almost too much, but the thought of the consequences of not going was what got me there, granted in a bit of a state but I got there. There was a junior doctor, nurse and the consultant who I have to say were great and really put me at ease and to be honest at that point I just wanted it to be over and done with. Just after he started the exam the consultant said he could clearly see a couple of abnormal areas,the doctor then said 'but dont worry you dont have cancer' but never made any other comment on what it was he could see. This was before he had used the scope or any solutions, there seemed to be a tangible change in the atmosphere in the room and the nurse quickly turned off the viewing screen thingy and they all went from being nice to being 'super' nice if you know what mean which kind or freaked me out. It could all have been my imagination but I just cant shake that feeling that it gave me. I was told that it would be about 6 weeks before I got my results and that I would get them by phone and a couple of days later I got a letter with an appointment time on 23 Oct for the call. The weeks have seemed like an eternity but as they have gone on I felt a bit reassured that I hadnt had any unexpected letters or calls from the hospital, no news is good news right :) and reading posts on this forum has been such a bonus, real information and real experiences and whilst some of them are heartbreaking I still feel that the honest accounts offered here are far more helpful than the horrors of googling, which I have avoided! Anyhoo, friday morning post arrives with a familiar envelope addressed to me, it took a while for my hands to stop shaking enough to open the damn thing, all it said was 'unfortunately we have had to bring forward your results appointment' with a new date of Tue 16th. Really dont know what to make of this, my rational brain says there are a hundred reasons for having to change the appointment, then I panic again and fear the worst. One thing I do know is that come tuesday I will be a gibbering wreck! If you have read this far thank you for listening to me ramble, like most on here at this stage I havent wanted to share much with friends and family as I dont want to worry people especially as the outcome is still unknown, but it feels good to finally get all that off my chest :D

Hi waiting really is the worst so I feel your pain at the moment. The wording of your letter sounds very unfortunate, it may be that the consultant is going on holiday, moving hospital or some other technical reason why they have had to bring it forward but none of that makes it any easier! Usually when they think something looks sus they send it to the lab to be looked at straight away and they get your results really quick. In my case I got a phone call to say that they thought it was cancer and not pre cancer, I know a number of others have recieced the same call. My friend got a phone call the day after her colposcopy asking her to come in as the cancer had been visible. I hope Tuesday comes round fast, if you are really stuggling call the hospital and ask why the appointment has been changed, ask to speak to the consultant. What I would say is there are many treatment options no matter what the results are and not all are so awful. Let us know how you get on x

Thanks for you input girls, I must admit I feel loads better just having vented all of that. first thing I did was call the hospital but they couldnt tell my why the date had been moved but like you say, there could be loads of reasons for it. She did tell me it would be a nurse specialist who calls me, dont know it thats a good or a bad thing.

Trying very hard to maintain a rational perspective, just want to get off the crazy train now! The most frustrating thing is knowing that my results are out there somewhere and have been for who knows how long, just seems so unfair that we are the last to know.

I will let you know how i get on.

Hi Niki,

Feel free to vent off as much as you need I have found Jo’s really helpful for that. I can really relate to your comment about staff being super nice and getting your mind wondering. I had an MRI and PET scan last week ready for my post treatment results next week. I am starting to get worked up about them and the lady at the end of the PET scan was just so overly friendly and smiley and it really got me thinking why is she being so nice and smiley. It is probably just her nature and her way of making you relax or be at ease and I am just being so super sensitive! Good luck with everything keep us posted Lisa x

Hi Niki,

I just want to give you a great big hug as I have been exactly where you are now only last week and its the worst feeling in the world, it really is! I have a similar story and posted on monday last week as I was also due for results on 23/10 but there was the familiar letter waiting for me as I gt in from work - I also started to shake as I opened it. As you did, I called the number on the letter but they could tell me nothing. Unfortunately for me my worst fears were confirmed on thurs but do you know what, since initial distress at being told I have cc, a feeling of calm has come over me and I have coped far better than I thought I ever would. I also am at clinic tomorrow to find out what stage I’m at and what treatment I’m facing. I have already been told I have a grade 1 cancer which means it spreads slower and is less aggressive than a higher stage apparently so that can only be good news and coupled with the fact that this has been dealt with quickly, I am really hopeful that this is early stage cancer but if not, I’ll deal with that too…just one hurdle at a time. This site is amazing and I come on every day, both to see what advice I can get for me but also to offer any advice and support I can to other ladies - I am just so grateful to have this outlet. My friends and family have been great but I tink unless you have been through somethin similar, you cant offer that honesty and experience and thats what I need right now at least.

Please let us know how you get on Niki

love
Andrea
xx

sorry just re-read my post and to clarify my grade cancer is 1and is less aggressive than higher grade (not stageI typed as ). I get stage info tomorrow - just didn’t want to confuse or mislead!!

x

Hi Niki

Good luck for tomorrow :slight_smile: I know how you are feeling - the waiting and unknown really sucks and is very tough emotionally. My advice for today is to keep as busy as you can, so you don’t get time to worry about it. But I know that is easier said than done!

Hopefully it is purely an admin reason that your appointment has been brought forward. I have all my fingers crossed for you and wish you all the best.

Best wishes
Kirsty xxx

Good luck for tomorrow, we all understand how difficult it is. :shock:

We’ll all be hoping its the best possible news for you, whatever happens you’ve lots of support here.

Take care,

Lisa x x

Finally I have my results thought the wait would never end, not been able to settle into anything today so ended up going to bed for a nap, set an alarm for 6pm as my phone call was due at 6.40. Did the usual loo stop when I got up and fortunatley I had picked up my mobile before I went into the bathroom as my call came a little early, bet theres not many of you got your results whilst sitting on the loo :smiley: bit of a surreal moment. Never thought I would be sooooo happy to hear the words CIN 3! No signs of anything more sinister and back in 6 months for another colposcopy. So for now relief. Thank you all for your words of support it really helped to get me through this. For those of you who are facing a tougher road than me, I wish you all the strength you need to get you through this, I will pop my head in from time to time to see how you are all doing and to offer support where I can.

Niki,

That’s fantastic news! Hooray!

So pleased/relieved for you - go celebrate this weekend!

Make sure you have your regular smears/colposcopy booked & that you attend each one.

X x x

congratulations you must be so relieved!

go out and celebrate!!

xxx

Hello,
congrats to you …