Sleepless night :(

Hi guys, as you can see from my signature I am awaiting results of a LLETZ. I have been really busy in placement this past week since having it and so have been totally exhausted and slept quite well. However I was off yesterday and just could not sleep last night for worrying which is totally unlike me! I have a terrible feeling of 'dread' and feel like my heart is pounding. I know I am probably totally overeacting and my results will probably be fine but I feel like this waiting is making me ill!


I'm worrying as I haven't told my family anything and if my results do come back as cancer (which I know is unlikely) then I feel like I'm going to have to drop a huge bombshell on them as they have no idea about the abnormal smear etc. When I say family I mean my Dad and brother, my mum passed away 3 years ago and I would have of course told her all about it but I don't feel like I have a 'person' to talk to about all of this. My boyfriend is supportive but his best friend died of cancer the day before I had my smear test and so I don't really want to use that word around him at the moment as I am trying to protect him I guess. Only one of my other friends knows and again she has been really supportive but I feel like people will think I'm being completely irrational if I voice my true fears!


Sorry this is so long and I know there's nothing that's going to solve this until I get the results through but the thought of feeling like this for another 3 or more weeks is distressing me :(

Awh hun.. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this! It is a horrible time the waiting. It's really not fair I know, but they deal with hundreds of women everyday who are all in the same position and I am sure they have numerous amounts of phone calls from panicking girls. Give them a call tomorrow hun and ask them your questions of concerns! I did it when I was waiting and she assured me that if it was 'bad' then they would have fast tracked my results. This is probably the case with you too hun. Try not to be so worried! I honestly know it's easier said than done and it really is hard to put it to the back of your mind! Just do what I did and keep yourself busy. I went to London for a week with my partner and that helped me forget for a while until I got home and my results were there! It'll all be okay hun :) here if you need a talk! xxx

Hi Dani, thanks so much for your reply. I've been out this evening and feel much better for it as I think it has taken my mind off things! I'm starting night shifts tomorrow so hopefully that will take my mind off things as will either be working or sleeping!

Just can't wait until I have my results and then I'll know either way. 



You're so welcome hun! Yes, do things that will take your mind off of it. You never know, all this worry could be for nothing :) I have faith that you will be fine lovely! I have to wait another year to see if my CIN1 has either progressed or regressed. Gonna be a long year I know that much lol but I'm just gonna enjoy my little family as my boy is only 5 months old! I am so happy in life right now - this just put a damper on things, but I'm determined not to let it anymore and just make the most out of each day! I hope you get your results soon hun and it's good news! Big hugs xxx

As they say though 'no news is good news' xxx

No news is good news you're right! Going to stay positive as there's no point worrying until you have something to worry about! Positive thoughts for you also - this time next year you will have just got your 'normal' resuslt back from your smear and will be looking forward to your sons second Christmas :D


I totally know how you feel about sleepless nights and stuff, I'm sure I didn't sleep properly for the two months or so it took between smear and results from colp. I knew it was ridiculous and worrying wasnt going to change anything but at the same time all I could do was obsess over it. And if I forgot about it for a few minutes then remembered, like you said, it was like this feeling of dread and doom. I really did think I was losing it at one point but I promise it does get easier :) I found the only thing that really took my mind off it was doing something that used my brain (I couldn't watch telly and forget because everything that happened I'd somehow link back to it... silly I know!) like sudoku or cross words and things like that (apparently I find it hard to figure out where numbers/letters should go and think about something else at the same time lol) so you could give that a try?

Other than that, just try and stay positive and hold on to the fact that 'this too shall pass' eventually :) x

hi, i had my colposcopy this morning, the nurse took biopsies as nothing was really clear, i hope i get my results quickly but not too quickly i guess as that seems to be more worrying....i know its stupid but all this before xmas just seems even more daunting somehow, hope everything goes ok with your results xx

Thanks for your replies Becky and Nikki - I feel better knowing I'm not the only one who feels like this! I'm usually quite a rational person, not a particular worrier or anything so feeling this way is just completely unnatural to me! I totally get what you mean Nikki about it being worse near to Christmas! I can't even think about presents / decorations etc as this is just permenantly on my mind. I like your suggestion about the sodoku Becky I might have to get on that lol. 

1 week since my treatment now so I guess that's 7 days closer to results that I was when I had it! 

Hope your results come through soon Nikki and that they are all good news :)