Sex Aversion

After 20 years of normal pap smears and over 15 years of marriage and 4 kids, I was told I had HPV and a high grade lesion (9 months ago). Although I know I should be grateful this was found, I am having a hard time feeling grateful. It caught me totally off guard because I had no idea HPV was something even tested for at the annual appointments (I live in the States. I looked back at my records, and I have never been tested before.). I really wish they had just told me I had “suspicious cells” and removed them without an HPV test. However, I can’t shake the feeling of being turned off sex and feeling dirty. (I have read all the statistics on prevalence, etc. that are suppose to make me feel better, but it’s just not doing the trick.). At this point, my husband and I have no idea how to move forward with this, and I know we’re both a little depressed. Some days it feels it would be easier if we just weren’t together. I feel like my life has been turned upside down, and I will never return to feeling like myself. I am just looking for a little bit of hope that somebody else has struggled like this, and they (and their family) eventually returned to “normal”.

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Being together is a lot more than sex. If sex is the only thing missing that isn’t enough to give up on a relationship. Many couples have long periods without sex.

You obviously need time to process your feelings.

There are no right or wrong ways to move forward, this something you will work through. Good luck.

BTW I have been married for over 33 years, but we have had little sex for the past 16 years ( for many reasons) and have only recently started to have sex again.

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My partner and I have decided that if we don’t have intercourse for a while, or even ever again, so be it. I don’t feel “dirty” but I do feel almost like that part of me doesn’t now exist. It’s hard to put into words. Our relationship was initially more friendship that sex and we got together as a couple gradually. He’s my best friend so a lack of sex isn’t really affecting the relationship.
Try to look at the positive aspects of your relationship rather than dwelling on one negative aspect. Also the fact that you might not always feel like this. Just forget about it for a while and take the pressure off?

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Sorry you are feeling this way, but I just wanted to post as well and say you are not alone. I’m 32, have only been with my husband (not the case for him which is how I got HPV. No judgement, if it what it is) and met when I was 19 years old. Have had normal smears up until my most recent where I was told I had HPV. Had colposcopy and LEEP done to remove CIN2 lesion. That was done in July. Had a minor rough patch during my recovery due to it messing up my cycle, but it was traumatizing to say the least for me (I’ve struggled with health anxiety my entire life so this whole ordeal has REALLY set me back).

All this to say, I have been cleared to have sex. And I’m so terrified to that we haven’t yet. My husband has been so understanding of my needs and anxieties but I feel terrible. I’m not sure why I’m nervous, I feel like it’s a lot to go thorough and for a lot of women is NORMAL to feel the way we do.

Also, you are NOT dirty because of your diagnosis. But I, too, went through the phase of feeling that way. It’s upsetting. While I am not 100% back to my normal self because I am still anxious, I definitely feel better than I did. I’m sure you will too! I know it’s hard, but look how far you’ve come already. You’re a rockstar for getting through this thus far!

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Hello, I totally understand how you feel. I’m the same. First of all, my sexual partners are very few, 6. I’m 45. I never realised how serious hpv was as when I was growing up it was not discussed a lot. I am pretty sure I could have actually had the vaccine because I started being sexually active quite late so I’m gutted the gp never offered.
Anyway, I gut diagnosed with hpv 3 years ago, and CIN1. I font know how I got it.
I’m totally put off sex and dare I say men. I’m reasonably attractive I’d say, flirtatious, I dress nice and I’m very feminine, I get attention but it does nothing for me. I’m trying to fight it and get rid of it naturally, I know, the chances are next to none, so sex with my husband is just stressful because I’m thinking if I’m clear he’d giving back to me.
Also something else I feel and I know it’s not good, I feel envious of the women that have slept around and not got hpv… and I got it! I see it as totally unfair and it makes me sadand angry.

Maybe we will overcome these feelings as time goes by?
Sending strength x

Hi, I get how you feel. I got diagnosed as HPV earlier this year and can’t shack off the feeling that my husband cheated on me years ago (been together 29 years). I haven’t really spoken to him how I feel just shut him out.

Same edelweiss- for me it is the worry of getting reinfected whilst trying to clear the virus that is so off putting. There really needs to be more research done on HPV.

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