Second Leep/Lletz

Hello Ladies!

Sorry if I am posting this in the wrong subforum..

I wrote and deleted this message many times, but I think I will post this as I am driving my self crazy and really could use some support. It is hard to discuss this with anyone and I am filled with worry one minute then I become rational and try hard to move past it and focus on the positive. As the days grow closer for my Leep2, I am not so positive, and I am filled more with worry. 

I am 45 and had my first abnormal PAP ever in Feb 2015, I have never missed a PAP. Thus far I have had a colpo in July and a leep in August, she said at the time she was taking a large sample since I am obviously no longer planning on children.  The pathology report is as below:

Sections show cervical tissue including the zone of transformation. There is extensive HSIL seen involving the endocervical margin. In addition, there are two minute foci suspicious for  early stromal invasion. The ecocervical margin is clear.

I just don't know what to think. The worst part is the wait after the leep/lletz, as I had to wait 6 weeks for the results, which were available to the doctor 11 days after the procedure. the total time lapsed since the first leep is 10 weeks. This is making me nervous as I know logically they probably missed the area for the last 25 years of PAPs, and this has probably been in there growing for a long time (according to google) but say it hasn't and it is fast(er) growing, what are the odd those two cells just stayed content in their coupledom? Do you think the two foci are what is giving me the positive margin? 

I think because I have been in limbo since May this is really exhausting me mentally and I don't know how I can cope with another 6 week wait for results. We are lucky to have the health care that we do in Canada but the downside is the wait and that we have no option to pay to have additional services etc, even with our work coverage we are basically at the mercy of the system. For the first time in my life I think I would pay to have this dealt with quickly for my mental health.

Anyways back to faking cheery and pretending that I not worried to the world! Thank you all for your constant posts. Without you all posting and without the ladies who have walked this lonely road who come back here to reassure us newbies, I really don't know what I would do. It really helps to know I am not alone on this journey.