Scared :-(

Hi Ladies,  

This is first time posting somewhere like this.  Despite having lost close family and friends to cancer over the last couple of years you still believe it will never happen to you. 

Ivisited the GP 3 weeks ago as I had been having an abnormal discharge for a few weeks and was concerned.  He did an examination and took swabs for infection (apparently my cervix looked normal and healthy at this point).  The following friday I went along for my routine smear and mentioned the discharge to the nurse (swabs all negative from week before).  Instead of doing my smear she made an appointment for a few days later with a female GP who has a gynae interest.  Of I went,  exactly 2 weeks after my first appointment expecting a little reassurance as my cervix was normal previously!  This is where my world started crumbling around me........ 


My cervix wasn't normal nor indeed healthy- I have a growth. I can only assume the 1st doctor I saw didn't know what he was looking for. She took the smear but referred me to see a gynaecologist at my local hospital.  I saw him yesterday- again he examined me.  Afterwards he told me he needed to book me for theatre for a biopsy.  He was unable to name anything else that this could be other than most people's worst nightmare,  so I am left to wait for this next appointment not really knowing but with nothing else to pin my hat on to try and reassure myself in the meantime. 

My partner and I don't have any children.  I am devestated that I may never get that opportunity and am probably struggling to come to terms with that more than having cancer to be honest.  I've always wanted to be a mother but chose to establish my career first.  Life truly is a bitch! 

The worst bit of all of this by far at the moment though has to be the constant waiting.  I've never been particulary impatient but have discovered recently that I HATE WAITING!!!  Did anyone else feel like everyday lasts forever with all thoughts revolving around the what ifs and why me's? 

I would be extremely grateful for ay support that any of you lovely ladies can offer me at this time. 



Hi Rachel,

I can completely empathise with your experience, I was diagnosed last year and found that the waiting was the worst part. I've had to have a hysterectomy and i don't have children either - this has been far far harder for me than any cancer!

All I can say at this point is that you don't know what you're dealing with as yet, so you have to find a way of making that your mantra (I repeated the phrase it's treatable and beatable on a loop for 3weeks). 

once you know the score you can make informed decisions. Until then everything is what ifs and speculation which will fry your brain. please please try not to google things either, I did and it frightened me so much.

Feel free to send me a message if you think I can help at all.

Ruthie x 

Thanks Ruthie, 

I'm a nurse so unfortunately I don't need google to know how bad it can get.  I'm trying to remain positive that it is only in early stages but there are always those negative thoughts that sneak in,  usually in the middle of the night when the other half is asleep. 

I'm sorry to hear you had to have a hysterectomy,  although I fear this too.  

Thanks again for your support.  I'm sure this forum is to become my lifeline over the coming weeks and months


Hi Rachel,

I totally agree with Ruthie, the waiting and the unknown are by far the most difficult part. You are definitely in the right place, as I am sure that all the lovely ladies with a wealth of experience and knowledge will help and support you through this. I have found it a life line over the last seven weeks, as I'm sure you will. You will find that once you know what you are dealing with it becomes far more manageable.

My treatment starts next Tuesday, and I feel a lot stronger and positive than I did when I was at your stage, so try not to worry and keep in touch.

Big hugs and best wishes xxx


Well I don't want to speak too soon as I'm sure the process will slow down soon enough but I have my appointment for biopsy through already.  Scheduled for next wednesday (only saw consultant yesterday) .  Still feels like forever but I do feel better knowing things are moving towards a definitive diagnosis.  Go NHS!!! 

Thanks for the well wishes ladies.  I'll keep you posted.  Xxx

Hi Rachel :-)

I am so sorry that you have had to join us here but as the others have already said, this is quite the best place on the internet for you just at the moment. I am keeping my fingers crossed for you that things do not turn out to be a serious as you probably fear right now. Yes the waiting is absolutely the worst part of the whole experience. Things become much easier to deal with once you know the face of your enemy. We are all here for you, please let us know how you get along. 

Go NHS indeed! :-)

Be lucky



Hi Rachel

I totally get where you are coming from. I was told mri is normal and they are putting forward for a hysterectomy.

The waiting is the worst this morning I was writing myself off and tonight I have been given a new lease of life. Please try and not worry we are all in the best of hands. I know it's hard not to worry as I never listened to anyone but I wished I did xx