Scared waiting for biopsy results

Feeling very nervous waiting for my biopsy results. I feel like a total winp but am weepy and anxious - anyone else feel like this? Very freaked out by having HPV 16 and 18 too - and annoyed that I’ve never seen it explained that HPV is a risk from unprotected sex on the Web - I thought I’d been very careful with past partners ( I’m menopausal)

I had a borderline cells, vaginal atrophy, and HPV 16 and 18 positive result on my smear test in the autumn. I went for my very first colposcopy, and honestly it was ok. I made a point of shaving my legs and trimming my bush before I went - which seems daft but it felt important.
I talked to the colposcopist first in their office, and she took a medical history, I explained that my last smear test at the GPs had been really unusually horrendous ( and blamed on being menopausal - which had made me feel awful) and she was totally brilliant and explained that she could use as much gel as she liked and pain relief, then a nurse talked me through going into a cubicle and taking my leggings and pants off, and they’d left a towel to wrap round for modesty - but I did have a long top on anyway - and you keep your socks on if you want ( I did) They had a special chair to sit on - which hoisted me up so she could see - she was sort of low down between my legs. There was a screen showing my cervix. The nurse sat with me and talked to me the whole time. The colposcopist explained about using lignocaine gel to numb me, and was really careful - much better than having a smear. Then I put my kit back on - they leave you a rather large NHS issue sanitary pads to put on ( I advise buying your own to take in with you) then I went back to the colposcopist to have another talk - and slightly disconcertingly to see a colour picture of my cervix. Had a discharge for about a week from the stuff they put on your cervix to make the cells show up. But they were really nice in the appointment and it felt ok.
Unfortunately, because of my age, I had to go away and use estrogen for four weeks (for the vaginal atrophy) and go back for a second colposcopy which was tough to handle mentally ( personally I think they should prescribe the estrogen straightaway when they send the first appointment, to save the extra four week delay and the extra appointment) So I’ve had the second colposcopy done before Christmas and had biopsies done by the consultant - and it was a bit more pulling around with anaesthetic - she asked permission to open the cervical canal and take biopsies from the internal lining because apparently it shrinks back inside you when you’re older- but again not really worse in practice than a smear test - I had the ever perennial ‘disappearing cervix’ conversation - so nothing new for me… -and certainly nothing like as bad as the recent horrid one at the GPs. I was a bit more panicky and felt a bit queasy and faint and said so, but the doctor and nurses were all lovely and reassuring and kind - I had to cough when the consultant asked me to, while it was going on. I’ve still got a bit of a discharge two and a half weeks later - but it’s reducing down to almost nothing. Had some yucky black stuff come out a couple of days ago which is the liquid bandage stuff coming away apparently,which is a bit weird to see.

I am very worried waiting for the results letter, so pretty scared actually, and reading everything I can in the web, but to be fair - if the next procedure is similar it won’t be a big thing physically. ( Possibly emotionally of course - I’ve done a lot of comfort eating since this started) I don’t like the idea of 4- 6 weeks recovery as this has taken longer than the week they said for the biopsy, and I’m worried about how a further procedure will impact any future sex life ( on my own at the moment) particularly as I’m in my sixties - afraid that it could be the end of the line for any sex life, even if the newly discovered vaginal atrophy isn’t a problem on its own.

I do feel better for writing this down actually.

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Sending love to you. I had a full 4 weeks of bleeding after my LLETZ and the mental impact on me of the whole situation and waiting for the results was agonising. I was doing literally hundreds of Google searches all day every day, none of which gave me any comfort. When I went back for my repeat colposcopy and smear, the colposcopist said she’d wished I’d called her to discuss all my concerns rather than suffering in silence. Hoping you can find some comfort on here rather than Google and remember that you are in the best possible hands and the treatment process is very effective x

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So sorry you had awful anxiety too bigmollusc, though relieved I’m not the only one who scours the web. Shall try and stay off the web I think - not sure if I’ll manage it. Good point to talk to the colposcopist as well.
I think I’ll ring Jo’s Trust later too. Thanks for replying and sending love - appreciate it x

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