Scared out my mind

hi everyone first time posting here but lurking for a while and just needed some advice as I'm feeling so low right now 

 

I'm 22, I had my baby when I was 19 and then I found some bumps on my cervix which I had checked out two years ago and was told by the gp they're cysts and nothing to worry about, so I didn't for ages, I suffer some severe health anxiety so recently 2/3 months ago I checked again and they was still there so I went to the doctors 3 weeks ago and they said my cervix was healthy and fine, but now I've felt that by my opening you know the hole of your cervix? It's all rough and it feels like loads of rough linely skin it isn't smooth like the internet says the cervix is supposed to be and I'm freaking out so much, my bleeding is also all over the place as recently come of depo so can't tell anything from that, I'm so sorry to be insensitive as I know everyone here as bigger issues and stuff but I'm so so scared it's something serious and im having panic attacks daily (granted I've never felt that area before so I don't know if it's normal for me or not) and my doctor said she'll check it out on the 30th April when I have my coil fitted it I'm so scared if it's something serious leaving it that long.. I'm just petrified tbh, sending love hope you all have a nice weekend ❤️

 Hi lovely, 

 

Health anxiety is such a scary condition to live with.

 

I came across this website which I thought was absolutely wonderful. It has lots of different pictures of cervixes.

 

I showed it to my 17 year old daughter and asked her to check how hers feels now so she knows.

 

I hope it helps to alleviate your fears. Cervical cancer takes between 10-20 years from the point of having HPV to develop. So this will be why your GP is not rushing anything.

 

Also you can buy a home testing kit for HPV. If you test positive your GP will give you a smear to check for abnormal cells. I haven't used one myself so don't know anything about them.

 

https://www.beautifulcervix.com/cervix-photo-galleries/

 

Hoping your worries are eased soon x

hi thank you so much for your reply! 

I actually stalk that site already lol embarassed  trying to find one like mine but my cervix just seems different and ovbiously can't see it only feel it!! it's so annoying as I'm checking it everyday (tmi I know) but I also suffer from ocd and this has sadly become one of my compulsions, getting in a right state because I don't know if it's normal / abnormal. It just feels so rough in one area and I've read about erosions or something but not sure you could feel them?! sorry I'm rambling as not actually spoken to anyone about this as don't want them to think I'm weird for checking up there cry 

 

also I'm getting aches and pains in my right side since I've been googling so much, I'm actually driving myself crazy! I'm hoping to try have a relaxing weekend but I doubt it, my routine is google cry and sleep atm. I'm so stupid. 

thank you so much for your help!! I was thinking of getting a hpv test, I'll check it out, once again thank you! enjoy your weekend xx

Hi lovely,

 

Bless you, that's such a lot to be going through all alone. OCD is such a tough illness to live with too, I suffered for many years previously.

 

Do you know you can get free support that you can self refer to via your local NHS?

 

I've popped the link below for you, just in case https://www.nhs.uk/Service-Search/other-services/NHS%20psychological%20therapies%20services%20(IAPT),%20including%20cognitive%20behavioural%20therapy%20(CBT)/LocationSearch/10008

 

If they're not right for you, you can ask them about services that are "pay as much as you can afford" too, or go private. If going private just make sure you go through a registered body like the CNHC BACP so you know they are qualified.

 

You may have already discussed it with your GP who can provide you with medication to help you cope a little more too.

 

Sending you love ? this forum is great for getting support. Please let us know how you get on x

thank you so much!! getting this out has been a weight of my shoulders in a way, I've been speaking to my mum about it but I do get the "you're too young for anything like that" which is sadly not true! 

she also wonders why or how I even check it, bless her she is a good mum though, wouldn't be without her! I might try get an appointment sooner than the 30th to help with the worry but the problem is my doctor just doesn't seem to want to see me! I had to BEG her to see me to check my cervix for the cysts, I've rang back twice (stupid health anxiety I know this is so embarassing to admit on a public forum) since and asked if she would mind having another check as my anxiety and she straight out isn't giving me an appointment and I have to wait until the 30th! easier said than done when you have anxiety about it though, I just wish I could distract myself from these horrible thoughts for longer than a minute, I have a little boy and I feel so guilty as im constantly worrying and upset, I know it's silly but I feel bad as I feel like maybe I won't see him grow up cry I'm getting ahead of myself massively! (I hope) I just feel sick with the worry all the time, I'm having all sorts of aches and pains which of course convinces me more that maybe I do have something wrong with me. Ahhhhh. I just want to chill out! So sorry to unload all my life onto you, bet you would of wished you didn't reply! but I just feel so alone right now, thank you again! I'm on two proponal a day atm, they don't do much though but would definitely be worse without them! I will refer myself back to somewhere for my mental health too, I got discharged a couple months ago as I was getting better then it seemed to come back as when I got my depo I had all this random bleeding etc so my head just went straight to bad things, also what you're doing for your daughter and teaching her about the cervix is amazing! my mum never told me one thing about it and I don't think sex education did either! it's so unspoken about like the cervix and cc. well done you!!

I wish I could send you a photo of my Cervix hahaha. I was prodding and poking at mine after my Smear Test & it looked exactly how you described. A couple of Nabothian Cysts & rough texture

Just remember that your Cervix is one of the most vasular & sensitive areas on your body. Id you have been prodding & poking it, it could be that you've superficially damaged the top layer - just like when you pick your skin anywhere on your body. It reacts to being touched! Mine was exactly the same & all my results came back absolutely fine & dandy :)

 

Considering your cervix has now been seen twice by Doctors, if there was anything truly visibly wrong with it then they would refer you for further investigation. Take comfort in the fact that medically trained health professionals have said that you are fine

Xx