I'm new to this website but saw that there is a great deal of support here so I have decided to sign up..
I'm 26years old and when my letter came through about a smear test (3 months before I turned 25) I chose to ignore it and then was sent another three letters to try and get me to come in, all of which went in the bin.
I felt as though I was being forced to conform to screening when I thought this was a personal choice? Most of my friends have been and keep telling me to go but I just cannot bring myself to go and open my legs for all to see and have something pushed inside of me that feels so un-natural. I put it off for a year because I wasnt mentally ready and the truth is I still am not. I have always been healthy and taken very good care of my body and wouldnt hesitate to go to the GP if anything was ever wrong downstairs.
The only type of gynaecology stuff Ive ever had to have done consist of STI tests which have always been 'self kits' that you perfrom in a toilet in the clinic whereby you swab yourself, these have always been clear and I have no anxiety issues with this at all. I also never go to the GP unless im ill, which is another reason ive never built up an intolerance to anything medical as I dont get poorly very often.
Its actually not the specific procedure that im scared of or the result itself. I'm just so much better at dealing with things when there is actually a problem, rather than it being a health 'Check-up' with the fear of the unknown.
It is that damn speculum that causes most of my anxiety. In my head im not giving full consent to having something shoved inside me so therefore it feels wrong. I know that when I am pregnant I will be prodded and poked about but in my eyes my body is then a 'shell' so to say for the baby so I dont mind what they do at that time. I am a very tense person and I just know I wont relax and i wont want to be forced to relax either. If the nurse comes up with a silly comment such as 'take a deep breath' im more likely to walk out than conform. I wish it did hurt to be honest because then I could focus on the pain and not the procedure of what is actually happening down there.
My partner thinks I should go and look at it in a way that says im healthy and ready to have a child as we plan to become parents within the next two years (hopefully before my next smear test is due).
So far I have taken the plunge and booked an appointment in three weeks time and raised my concerns with my receptionist but im still not feeling any better about it. I woudl prefer to wait until after preganacny, at least that way I would have built an intolerance to it. Any help and advice would be very much appreaciated.