I’ve gone for my second Pap smear today and will get the results in two days time. I can honestly say I have reached a mental breakdown; as I’m typing this I’m in tears. I cannot think of anything but what is inside my body and could be killing me I’ve had every advanced symptom and I am hpv high risk. Most recently I’ve been struggling to urinate which tells me my kidneys are involved and damaged. I am so devastated, I can’t even look at my family without falling apart. They’re trying their best but I can see they want to just crumble too. I don’t know how to cope with this waiting especially since my symptoms are all so severe. I keep trying to convince myself that if it’s stage 3-4 I will fight it but at night all I can think about is this thing ending my life. I’m only 25, and have barely lived life and I don’t understand why this is happening to me. I just want to live
I’m so sorry about the way you are feeling at the moment. I had a look through your previous posts - there really could be any number of reasons for your symptoms so, easy to say, but try and focus on what you actually know and take things as they come.
I’m guessing here but if you are Googling your symptoms it will lead you to all sorts of unlikely and scarey ideas.
Assuming you are drinking sufficient fluids, if you feel you are not passing very much urine and possibly not emptying your bladder you shouldn’t delay getting medical advice. It might be worth recording the times and volumes of your fluid intake and urine output - this will help a medical professional assess the severity your problem. I’m not an expert but have a lot of personal experience with bladder problems since my cc treatment.
I have started on antibiotics and it has helped with passing urine but I do still get the aches and pains. I’m trying to stay positive but my body aches keep reminding me that my cancer might be at a point where I cannot be cured and only offered palliative care. I’ve stopped googling but only reading women’s stories on here and it’s not helping either. I know I have to be mentally strong if I have any chance of fighting this. Thank you for replying.
You are winding yourself up into a total panic over this and it does not sound like it’s helping you or your family. I’m not surprised you can’t pee at the moment! Please take some deep breaths and wait for the result of your smear test - because that is what you’re waiting to know about. Worrying that you MAY have stage 3 or 4 of cancer is not helping you or anyone. You cannot go on tormenting yourself like this with the ‘what ifs’. There are many reasons why you may be having trouble peeing, including a urine infection. As Jazza says, googling and speculating on what your symptoms might mean is not helping at this time.
When you know the result of the smear test, you can take it from there. Please try to be kinder to yourself!
My Pap smear came back clear yesterday but I have hpv high risk and these worrying symptoms. I have been told to just wait Until my next pap but I am going to ask my gp for a colposcopy or something as I just know something is wrong. I am trying to stay calm and not jump the gun. I just have a gut feeling and so much fears.
Your smear was clear! That’s fantastic! You should be celebrating, not looking for reasons to be gloomy and fatalistic. Your guts are not in control, your brain is. If your smear is clear it suggests there is some other problem why you’re having trouble peeing (you’re on antibiotics I believe) and ‘aches and pains’ are not symptoms of cancer. If you’re still having bladder issues when the antibiotics are finished, then this is what you need to ask for some help for. Investigate and sort out the actual problem. You don’t want to have cervical cancer, do you? Many, many of us on here have had cervical cancer, and have dealt with the reality of it. Having a high risk doesn’t mean you must get something. Smoking is a high risk for lung cancer, but not everyone who smokes gets lung cancer, and not everyone who gets lung cancer has smoked! Don’t box into the air - sort out your pee problem. If the doctor can’t work out what’s wrong you may have a bladder scan.
Just a suggestion but maybe it would help to keep a diary of your symptoms; include notes about what your doctors say, the treatments you have and also how you are feeling etc. It’s useful to have a record that one can look back on now and then - it helps to focus the mind and make sense of things. Someone from Jo’s helpline suggested it to me - I’m into my 4th exercise book regarding my cervical cancer journey.
I will definitely try this, thank you! I am feeling quite dreadful but going to the gynae tomorrow again to push this further as my scans for my kidneys came back clear.
Hi Jemma, I am in the same situation as you. I’ve been having worrying symptoms since October and I’m not taking prescription pain medication just to get through the day. Both a colonoscopy and MRI didn’t show anything but my smear came back with abnormal cells in the most severe category and I have HPV. I have had a colposcopy now and I’m waiting for the results. I think waiting and not knowing what’s wrong with me is the very worst thing! I keep having complete breakdowns but until I know for sure what is wrong I am trying not to spiral or go down the Google rabbit hole and I think it’s a good idea for you to just try and stay calm and remind yourself that you haven’t had a diagnosis yet. If you can request a Colposcopy I would say do it.
Yes not knowing is truly the worst. I’ve also stayed off google but honestly my mind is ten times worse than google could ever be lol I had my colposcopy and biopsy yesterday and now I’m waiting. I hope you get your results soon and that it isn’t anything bad at all! Pls do keep me updated xx
I can relate!! How was your colposcopy? Mine was horrendous!! I know it’s not supposed to be particularly painful but mine was awful and some of the worst pain that I’ve ever experienced. I had cocodomal, morphine and gas and air and still only just managed to get through it. I knew it would be bad because the smear and all exams have been painful. I keep having really dismissive gynecologists too so I think I’m going to wait for my results and then see if the health insurance I have covers the next step whether it’s cancer or still a mystery. I’ll keep you updated, please do the same too!!xx
We’re in the same boat unfortunately. The biopsy was so painful I screamed and cried all throughout, I had no pain killers or anything, just had my mum squeezing the hell out of my hand lol my gynae’s like yours have all been super dismissive as well, almost laughing when I mention my fear of cervical cancer. We both just have to wait and see now. Fingers crossed! xx
Wow that’s an awful experience for you both having dismissive staff. It’s so scary going for these examinations and it’s so worrying. It’s such a tough life being a woman, there’s nothing we can really do to prevent getting HPV or abnormal cells and it’s scary there are no symptoms. We are oblivious to it all until we go for cervical screening. Then we panic when something isn’t right. The last thing anyone needs during this stressful time is staff who are dismissive. Of course we all fear the worst and we should be supported through our journeys.
I think one reason many medical staff are dismissive about cervical cancer (I especially mean invasive cc stages 1 to 4 rather than non-invasive microscopic cancer in situ) is because thay rarely come across a case. The only staff who see quite a bit of invasive cervical cancer are gynae-oncology specialists who are involved with referred cases needing treatment with radical surgery and chemo-radiotherapy… Cervical cancer in the UK is quite rare (just over 3000 cases pa out of roughly 20 million of adult women) although one might not think so reading through parts of this forum.
So I’ve just got a phone call asking me to go in tomorrow to talk to the consultant about my colposcopy results. She was supposed to write to me so I’m quite anxious now xx
I hope it’s nothing serious! Will keep everything crossed for you. I have been referred to a gynae oncologist to figure out where the pain is coming from after being told it’s only Cin1 and I’m so scared too we’ll be okay tho I’m sure!! xx
I’ve had every advanced symptom and I am hpv high risk. Most recently I’ve been struggling to urinate which tells me my kidneys are involved and damaged. I am so devastated, I can’t even look at my family without falling apart. They’re trying their best but I can see they want to just crumble too. I don’t know how to cope with this waiting especially since my symptoms are all so severe. I keep trying to convince myself that if it’s stage 3-4 I will fight it but at night all I can think about is this thing ending my life. I’m only 25, and have barely lived life and I don’t understand why this is happening to me. I just want to live 
