I am 54 and have already had radical surgery for bowel cancer in the past, which never even raised a tear. Yet here I am terrified!
I was given the all clear from colon cancer last year after 5 years. It was an expected cancer after having Ulcerative colitis for over 20 years. I had my whole colon removed and a j-pouch formed . They took loads of lymph nodes but I was told there was absolutely no chance it had spread and I didn't need chemo at that time.
When I had my smear ( which by the way was my first in 8 years- I am so angry with myself . I have no excuses - I went for all my other cancer follow up Sam scans, MRI, blood tests etc and have already had 2 mammograms. I was speechless when my GP casually reminded me about my smear when I went I to discuss she thing else!) The nurse carrying out the test warned me I would probably have a recall because of my j pouch but couldn't explain why- she had just learned of this during her training.
Only a week after my smear I had a letter regarding an urgent colposcopy- which I am having tomorrow ( and dreading because my cervix is very posterior :( ) then on Saturday ( why do these things always arrive on a Saturday when you can't phone your doctor ?) I received an appointment for the gynae oncology clinic. The letter states I may start treatment that day. Is this normal ? Can they really tell I have a cancer requiring chemo just from my initial smear?!
My GP never received the results of my smear and the locum who took the call from the lab made no notes. He said he would check up and phone me but didn't -either he didn't do it or he didn't want to face a difficult purine call with me.
For the past few days I have been on the verge of planning my funeral. I have a 13 year old on the autism spectrum, two older children who still rely on me a lot and am a single parent with no family to support me.
Not only am I worrying about dying, but I am worried about my j-pouch being wrecked by chemo and radiotherapy.
I feel so alone and have no one to talk to about this. Just typing this out has helped however .