Reading into everything too much?

Hi lovelies.

This is my first post to the forum, but I have been lurking for a few weeks now ;-) Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

I was wondering if any of you have the same bad habit as me? - reading 'between the lines' and jumping to conclusions?

What are your experiences of what you thought was going on compared to the eventual reality of the situation?

I have a history of anxiety and depression, and my family medical history is pretty awful. I wonder if I am reading my symptoms and experiences in an illogical way due to health anxiety, or whether the feeling of certainty I have that I'm 'not well' is because I am reading my body etc correctly.

 

Hi there

i can completely relate to that.  I'm one of life's worriers so have found myself thinking the worst at every stage and not being able to tell if I'm imagining symptoms etc.  before my pet scan and MRI i had convinced myself that it was everywhere and I think as a result I had perhaps imagined some symptoms.  It turned out things were not quite as bad as I imagined and I'm now starting treatment on Tuesday, however my latest major stressed is worthing something else is wrong with me as my last smear was normal.  I hate to admit but I have almost be one obsessed by that to the point I can barely focus on the treatment.

 

im not sure if u do this as well but I read into everything everyone says and how they say it etc then replay it over again focusing on the most negative bits which is torturing me.

what I will say is our minds and personalities are powerful things that can often make us feel very real physicAl or mental things about a situatioN.  I also thibl sometimes we try and prepare for the worst as a self protection thing.

i have prob not been helpful but wanted to share so u know u are not alone.

I've found looking into mindfulness and relaxation and reiki really helpful when the overthinking is in overdrive!!

 

kimmy

I think everyone reads between the lines. I've been around a bit and you see so many pass through here convinced they have Cancer but then don't. I think anxiety is normal! Recently I had lots of symptoms of a recurrence. Absolutely convinced myself I was a gonner, turned out to be s slipped disk. Even my oncologist told me he didn't think there was anything (cancerwise) was wrong, but I would not be convinced until I'd had scans! 

Its normal to be anxious and nobody telling you it will probably be ok will help! 

But if you look through the forums most people's anxieties turn out, luckily, to be unfounded. 

Ah Kimmy! I just wrote a long reply to you and then it wouldn't post! Lol.

Yes, I jump to conclusions about the way the smear nurse dealt with me (saying I could call to discuss my results and then her calling me to check I had a colposcopy booked and that I was taking someone with me). Then the colposcopist and nurse went very quiet at points and exchanged glances. When she did the schillers test, nothing stained at all. The nurse squeezed my hand and looked at me with really sad eyes. Then they said they were having trouble stopping me bleed and wanted to to stay and have a hot drink before I left as I looked pale. I had been told they would want to do treatment asap, but they didn't. I assume because the area was too large.

 

Yep, brain goes into overdrive trying to prepare for the news...

 

How are you doing now, Kimmy? Are you currently having treatment? x

Thank you, 365days. That helps a lot. I did suspect that it could be my mind playing tricks. I think Kimmy is right about preparing yourself for the worst, as a self preservation thing. Hopefully whatever it turns out to be I can handle it bravely.

I hope you're doing ok. Going to have a sneaky look at your blog :-) xx

Hiya

I'm finding this whole experience by far the most stressful period of my life so far - it's literally the worst. And I find it impossible not to focus on the 'worst case' scenario. I know in reality chances of having/getting cancer are slim, but that word is terrifying and so quite understandably this is just horribly stressful. It's such an intimate area, and such a scary situation quite frankly. Try to remember that chances of actually having/developing cancer are slim, and that all of this is 'prevention' rather than cure. I know it's far easier said than done though!! wishing you the best of luck for a postive outcome xXx

Aug 2013 - turned 25, clear smear result
Jan 2015 - smear taken as part of routine 'full body' health check-up - results show HPV 16 high risk, and CIN 1 confirmed
Jan 2015 - colposcopy, CIN 2 confirmed, biopsy taken - results inconclusive, return in 6 months for another colposcopy
July 2015 - 6 mth repeat colposcopy - abnormal cells seen, biopsy taken, and smear
July 2015 - smear results show HPV 16 moderate changes, biopsy result inconclusive (again) - lletz carried out. 
Awaiting results, due in 2 weeks

Thanks Sophie. I think a lot of my worry comes from having a family riddled with bad health (some very weird and wonderful rare conditions amongst them!), and in particular my Mum passed away 4 years ago from bowel cancer. I was caring for her when she was diagnosed, and I knew straight away from her symptoms what it was. I sat through all her doctors appointments and consultations. There was a surreal moment when we first saw her oncologist and they very quickly said that it would be 'better' for her if it was a malignant cancer because they could treat it with radiation and maybe give her more time, because either way they refused to operate due to her health and weight. Ironically they ended up doing an emergency operation after a few months anyway. I guess that whole experience has made me more pessimistic of my chances. I feel kind of calm about it all really, but just have a sense of impending bad news.

But, maybe I'll come back on in a month with good news and you can laugh at me for being daft :-)

Good luck with your results too Sophie xxx

So can relate!! I am waiting for colposcopy results after CIN 3 diagnosed from pap.... i am concerned it is worse but my family seems to think it's just a matter of not worrying until results are in.... Umm.... Soooo easier said than done!!

i too have a bizarre family medical history, whereby everything seems to turn out as worse than first thought :(

love to hear of any practical coping tips, this waiting is doing my head in. 

Thinking of you and wishing you dome peace and calm x

Hi Sarah. I have calmed down a bit now, but I check the post every day and my heart beats really fast every time there is something in the box. Though, it's far too early for any results. I can certainly recommend not googling, no matter how tempting. Just come on here if you feel the need to get info or support :-) Also, distraction is key! I have become obsessed with doing sudoku and games on my PC, just so my focus is on something else. Maybe find a TV boxset you really like the look of?

Did they take any biopsies from you at colposcopy or just decide to offer LLETZ? I haven't been told what treatment to expect yet or anything, but maybe they have a slightly different procedure for things in North Wales. I am feeling a bit sad because my family lives far away (about a 4 hour drive, and the hospital is almost an hour away from me in the other direction), and I really wish my sister could go with me to my appointments. She was going to come to my colposcopy, but her boss scheduled an important meeting without warning her :-(

I wish you the best of luck with your LLETZ and hope it's good news afterwards for you. I'll pop on here every now and then, so if you need to vent I'll be about :-) xx