Putting on a brave face

Just had my LLETZ done yesterday....it was very painful and difficult because I have a tilted womb and they had to mess around finding cervix etc...anyway all done in the end and provisionally diagnosed as cin 2.

Everything has happened so quick, this time last week I was just normally getting on with life,work etc and now I feel like an emotional wreck. Pretending I'm ok so as not to scare anyone, I'm sure results will be ok but I'm thinking about all the what ifs .

I'm normally calm and rational but I'm a real mess right now. I wondered if anyone else feels like this or has felt like this??

God, I'm sure an awful lot of us have! I still put on a brave face 8 weeks post op. I've also become very blunt and blasé about saying cancer as that's been easiest for me. Only advice would be let your feelings go when you can. Whether it's a cry, a scream, a dance, a run, you need some sort of outlet. And try to let in those close to you. What ifs are totally normal but try to wait til you know anything for sure xx

Thank you Blackberry for your  advice!! I will just be honest when people ask how i am... some of my friends dont even know as from appt to op was 5 days so time to be strong and reach out to them xx

I was exactly like you, except in my case it lasted for a few months, my family has lost someone to cancer so I didn't want to tell them anything & have them worrying like I was, unless I knew for a fact that it was cancer.  I think keeping it a secret makes it much more stressful, & I ended up telling one trusted friend & a relative with a nursing background - having someone to talk to definitely helped to relieve some tension.

Thank you ElioraArin, I have phoned my friend this afternoon for a good chat and she was brilliant and really supportive. Hubby is convinced I will be fine, wish I shared his optimism right now. It's good that I found jos trust as its really helping me understand more about abnormal smears etc and also reading others stories is a big help xx

I was brave facing too, then today I started blubbing on the bus. 

once that cork had popped out it was like a tide. 

On the plus side my entire family now know how worried I am and my boyfriend knows that it's not ok that he works away while this stuff is going on. 

The realisation that actually everybody does care and want to come round with chocolate and hugs is a massive relief 

Yeah I'm the same. I'm acting chilled out because I don't want to worry or upset my fiance, mum and friends so I'm making jokes and acting like I'm not at all concerned. Then when I'm alone I'm just dwelling on it and worrying :(