PTSD after Lletz

I’m struggling to find any information about this on the internet and I’m putting this out in case anyone can give any advice or insight.
I went for my first smear in January (I’m 40 and have been scared to have one I’m a SA survivor). My new bf persuaded me to get one. The smear was okayish, but then it was found I had abnormal cell. I went for a colposcopy thinking it would be just scraped out like the smear, but it was very unpleasant and a biopsy was taken. I was then told I had CIN 3 cells and I needed a LLETZ procedure. Somehow people at work found out and a colleague spoke to me to tell me it was fine and nothing to worry about. I went for the LLETZ and it was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I really don’t want to be over dramatic, but it feels like I’ve got PTSD. I went back to work yesterday and within 20 mins of being there I was in floods of tears (not like me at all) and had to be sent home. I phoned the drs for an emergency appointment and she said my symptoms sounded like trauma and she prescribed me an antidepressant and diazepam and signed me off work for 2 weeks.
I wish I had never had a smear and everyone around me seems to think I should be happy that it’s been dealt with early and it’s unlikely to be cancer.
I feel guilty for not being grateful and the idea of having to go for a smear in 6 months times fills me with terror.
Has anyone else felt like this and does it go away?

Im also a survivor of childhood SA and had a colposcopy at start of April and Lletz under general anaesthetic two weeks ago (as the area was too large and tooclose to other structures to do under local) and this whole experience has been really triggering for me. It sounds like it may have triggered some unresolved feelings for you too. Have you ever had any counselling to deal with the SA trauma?
Im so sorry you’re feeling this way, but you arent alone and you need to be gentle with yourself. And please dont avoid the next smear, it is really important to follow up to prevent you needing much more invasive and debilitating treatment in the future. You can let your nurse know of your history before your smear. I would definitely suggest some counselling to help work through your feelings.
Good luck and lots of love to you.

Thank you. I genuinely thought I was going crazy and I was being a silly woman

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