Post treatment, awaiting 1st follow up (children mentioned)


I was diagnosed stage 2b cc in Aug 2014, and completed my treatment mid november:
2cycles of cisplatin (high dose, two consecutive days)
5 weeks of chemorad (5 cisplatin, 28 radio)
3 brachy
My 1st follow up is end of the month and ve worked myself into a bit of a state. up until now have been so strong and
Carried on as normal, looking after my 9 month old little boy and being really positive. 
It's been hard, but now feel fitter than ever, but for some reason ve got in a right state the last few days, lots of dark thoughts. 
I was told when diagnosed that it's curable, and ve got lots to be positive about, and on the morning of my 1st brachy
My consultant said h could see from my scan that the tumour had shrunk and he seemed really pleased. 
I'm just so terrified (as is everyone, know). I wanted to call Macmillan or Jo's Trust this morning but the helplines open. 
Just needed someone to talk to x


I was diagnosed stage 2b last August, and compl

Blimey - sorry about the typos, flippin phone! 

Hi Leafy,

Sorry to hear that you are feeling very understandably wobbly and that the helplines are not open just when you really really need them. 

I didn't want to read and run on you when you are feeling vulnerable.

I have seen lots of posts like this from ladies who are coming up to reviews and i really feel for you.

I just wanted you to know that I have read your post and that i am around if you would like to chat. I am sure some of the other sleepyheads with more hands on experience will also be along very soon

Sending you huge warm hugs


Thank you for replying - you've really lifted my spirits :)

I think all this time I've dealt with each step a bit at a time and now m playing the waiting game, ve allowed myself to let my mind run away! 

Not once have felt sorry for myself, just felt happy it was caught and was having treatment to get better, but now m just so scared about the future. 


Thanks for reading :) 

Oh I completely understand.   Im also in the '2b club' and like you was told it was curable with agressive treatment.  Like you I was strong through the treatments, and people were really surprised.   But this last week or so I have really struggled, I had my review MRI and started to have all sorts of 'bad thoughts'.  Like you I feel fitter than I have for a long time, so had no reason other than a few little niggless to have such a panic.  The ladies on here really helped me, and I still have small wobbles (and I sure I will until I hear from the oncologist) but reading all the other ladies comments this is normal, not nice by any strech of the imagination, but we are not alone.   Reading some of thier posts they really lifted my spirits.

So sorry the helplines arent open for you to talk to someone - but maybe keep posting here instead might help ........

Take care

Oh Leafy, I am not surprised at all. From what I have seen a lot of ladies soldier through the treatment, because they have no choice but to. It's only when you get the time to sit and reflect (and these check ups are a lovely reminder) that you really think about what you have been through.

The waiting is really dreadful. Hope this doesn't sound funny but one of the other ladies on here mentioned the other day about downloading a mindfulness app. If my results had have taken any longer I definitely would have done this (and may well still do so for other things). I think it is just someone talking very calmly reminding you to breathe and stuff, but it might help if you feel yourself getting panicky.

It must have been very hard work going through all that with such a little one. Have you got lots of family support?

Hi Leafy

So sorry you are feeling like this.  I had my 1 year review for 1b1 end of last year and I felt just the same - I posted another reply to someone in the same position only a week or so ago as she was feeling the same too.  It's perfectly understandable that you feel like that with your first follow up, you have been through so much and coped so brilliantly that it's bound to affect your mind too.

Prior to my year review I had convinced myself that something was wrong and because I had been longer in the MRI I thought it was because they had seen something.  It wasnt the case and it was clear of cancer so it just proves how our minds play tricks with us.  The dark thoughts seem to be so common with most of us if not all.

You will get lots of support I'm sure, you are definitely not alone with this. Stay strong and keep us posted with how you get on.

Big hugs



This is totally understandable, I was talking to the Nurse about check ups etc and she said, some women it fills with fear as it brings back

bad memories, whilst, other women feel check ups put their minds at rest, Im not sure which category I full into as I can have days I feel

great then other days I panic 100% convinced its returned, You have been through a lot in such a short time, you are probably still only

just getting your head around it all so it is only natural you experience these dark feelings, I find I do when Im not kept busy. Dont be 

harsh with yourself, Give yourself something nice to take your mind off things as Suzysoo suggested a mindfulness app or play your favourite

song full blast have a sing along (that helps me) Lol, You are obviously a strong person to get this far so please DONT WORRY :-) xxx

We all know how you feel.  That first check up is the worse.  The next is slightly better, the next is even better.  You get to your 4th appointment, 1 year, and you feel a big boost.  On eof my worst times was my first brachy.  I was really worried they would go in there and find the tumour was still as big.  It gave me a big high when the dr said they could hardly see it.  ALWAYS take someone to the appointment with you.  My best friend came.  She came in the room with me, they pull a curtain round when they are doing the actual examination.  When the appointment is over, I know a large hot chocolate, with cream and marshmallows is waiting for me in the cafe.  We always have a little treat.

It will get better, honest.

Hi Leafy,

Yeah, the check-ups serve as a reminder that a recurrence is a possibility and having been through the full array of treatment and feeling that you are successfully out the other side this sort of downer can come as quite a blow. It is difficult, it can be very wobbly, please just try to remind yourself that you have had the very best treatment in the world and that your chances of a non-recurrence are probably as good as they get.

We are all here for you, wobbles are truly horrid!

Be lucky


 Thank you to everyone who posted, I felt much better. I had my appt todayEverything went well :) he said everything looked great and I'm having an mri in about 4 weeks and if anything shows up at all I'll see the surgeon and will likely have a hysterectomy to get rid of it. If nothing shows up then I'll just carry on seeing my dr every two months! Those are the two outcomes so will hopefully have a clear mri, he said if anything is there it's going to be residual cells and surgery will get rid of them. I'm really happy! Feels like a huge relief xxx t

Hi Leafy

So glad it all went well and you are feeling reassured!

What a relief. Good luck for your MRI 


Hi Leafy

That is really good positive news - I'm so pleased for you.  Wishing you lots of luck for your MRI, let us know how you get on.

Now go and treat yourself and have some pleasure time!



I am very glad for you! Hope yor MRI is clear too!!!

It's lovely to hear you sounding so much bouncier! Long may it continue :-)

Be lucky



Hi Leafy, glad to heard it was good news.

I'm in the 2b club too and by the looks of it we were diagnosed and treated at the same time. I had my 1st post treatment check up today and all is good. I know how difficult it is to shut off that wee voice full of bad stuff especially during christmas and new year - I'm glad there's places like this where I can talk to others who understand.
I hope your MRI puts your mind at ease.  :)

Megsmaw xx

Hi meg. How are you after the treatment?  Is everything back to normal?