Petrified

I'm meant to be having colposcopy in morning and am in a mess. Ive been bleeding for months between periods and am convinced it's hormonal as there seems to be a pattern my pill has slightly increased oestrogen but hasn't helped. I have been tested for all infections all came back negative. I was advised to have smear which reluctantly I did..I've literally only just turned 25, it was worst experience of my life. It was embarrassing I bled everywhere and 2 nurses and 1docotr tried and all couldon't do it as said I was too tender, the nurses were both lovely, the Dr not so much but I still felt violated and so embarrassed and it really really hurt them even trying to get speculum in! they didn't get any further than this.I don't understand why colposcopy is necessary when I haven't failed a smear and it seems wrong to take cells that might be healthy. Also I'm still bleeding and feel so embarrassed to go but seem to bleed more times a month than not. I also read partners aren't allowed sometimes well there is no way on earth I'm even going without my boyfriend. I also don't want a male Dr and certainly don't want more than one nurse in room. I don't want the vinegar substance as soap triggers a urinary tract infection in me and I'm very sensitive down there and can think of nothing worse. I want to vomit at thought of procedure and I really just can't do it. I know I'm being a baby and should pull myself together but I can't. I keep crying and I'm still not really over the trauma of smear test and I hurt for days and bled for a week heavily after. Im a dancer and have an audition and lost out on a a weeks training because I was so sore and traumatised, I have an audition next week and Can't mess it up or miss training bexause of being sore again. I'm stressing out and really think maybe it would be best not to go, I want the bleeding stopped but no Dr I've seen seems to know very much about pill and is reluctant to increase oestrogen for some reason and don't see colposcy will benefit me and Im really not emotionally in a place to face it. I think I'll faint or vomit and ive read on google girls horror stories of it and they describe it like female mutilation and rape and I watched the procedure on YouTube and actually was sick watching it. 

Saffron! Take a few really deep breaths. The colonoscopy is much much less invasive than a smear...very little actually touches the skin and you feel very little! They may give you a sedative if you ask for it. Imagine the relief once it is all over and the results are back! Then they can concentrate on sorting out the bleeding and the pill for you. They need to rule stuff out first. Good luck Hon and please go xxx

Oooh Saffron, I hope you plucked up the courage to go after hearing/ reading all that. I hope you did and that you witnessed that those comments you have read are way out of context. Whoever put those out there is really not doing any of us any favours. This is a necessary procedure to prevent cancer and ultimately an untimely death, not even remotely comparable to those vile and illegal acts. 

Best of luck and hope that they can pin it down to hormones for you. I know I would certainly want such bleeding investigated asap and a colposcopy is the best place to start

x

 

Hi saffron,  

 I had my first colposopy last week and totally understand how you feel. I think you really need to have the procedure to find out what's going on or it won't get sorted.  I would try and see if they offer sedatives to see if that helps and also try some relaxation. I know it's easier said than done when you have your legs akimbo! If you have a later appointment maybe call them first thing and explain your concerns. If they can't help, maybe postpone and go back to your doctor and ask for some mild valium. Worst case I am sure some people can have it done under general anaesthetic but that's not ideal especially with your dancing. I was allowed my sister in the room behind the curtain but I am sure they would allow someone to stand next you you if it helps. I had a male doc but he was okay and two nurses who were lovely and kind. I really hope you can get through this as it is so important. Have you spoken to your boyfriend or family? 

P.s STOP googling!  As addictive as it is, horror stories are very rare X 

Thanks for the advice, I went and I feel so stupid and abnormal. They decided to do smear again which was disaster.I totally freaked out..there were three nurses in room one was really nice to me but the one doing it I felt was quite abrupt and made feel even more silly aswell which I already felt so embarrassed and abnormal and I felt out of control and it was all done so formally and with 3 People in room I don't know why they needed 3 people to do it I felt I couldn't talk about my fears and just felt mortified.she stopped test and said my crying would upset other people and told me to get diazepam.i  find intercourse painful at times but didn't want to tell them this as felt embarrassed with 3 of them starring at me not even knowing their names it was awkward.i had a bad experience where I didn't feel in control at 18 and thats ages ago so felt so stupid and for some reason stupidly associate the same feeling of being out of control with the smear which is ridiculous so I lied and said all sex was fine as I was embarrassed and just cried instead as I lay with legs in air and that's all I could think of when was 18 and went to pieces, they were looking at me like I was mad I'm sure. I feel like I'm being ripped open and literally am so sore after both times I've been sore after so I'm at a loss what to do. I keep bleeding between periods and want to find out what's wrong but it just seems to be a disaster and I feel like an inconvenience and stupid. the test has hurt in same place each time when they have speculum in then go to open it it's so sore and feels like I'm going to rip open..the last time they said I looked tender and sore but this time I think nurse doing it thought I was making it up. During intercourse I can sometimes be sore and it feels like something's there and have to stop and bleed and have bled after both smears, this time a lot less though. I feel too embarrassed to go again and feel sorry for the nurses as I'm just a disaster 

So  sorry it was so traumatic for you. I would see your gp and explain all of this.  You may be able to get diazepam or possibly arrange to have it done under general anesthetic. You need to find out what's causing so much pain. Have you got a female friend, sister etc you could ask to take for support? I had a few friends and also a sister who had the same. Procedure help me through and they all knew what questions to ask. Maybe give the Jo's trust team a call too X 

 

Hi Saffron

You poor thing, sounds like you had a totally horrible experience. I was also extremely fearful in the run up to my colposcopy but in my case it was due to a long-standing and severe phobia of anything medical. I went and had hypnotherapy for the phobia and it worked really well. If you have a look at my post above you can read about my experience this morning. If you're struggling with so many bad feelings around the whole process it might be worth considering giving it a try yourself - if you can get to a point where you can stay calm and feel in control, it makes it so much more comfortable. You may then find you can endure them checking you over, and hopefully finally get to the bottom of what is causing your problems.

Good on you for perservering with it though. It must be far from easy given your experiences so far, but maybe that means you're stronger than you think you are :-)

good luck and hope it gets better for you

 

 

Saffron, I can relate to a lot of your feelings, not to presume...but yes I definitely can relate drawing on other experiences that I have had. This is my first post and there is something strange going on with the formatting - so I will make this quick.

I was just taking a peek at these forums after getting a worrying phone call on Monday and told I need a colposcopy... but after seeing your post I registered in order to tell you that a few years ago I suddenly had bleeding between cycles. It scared me and I got misdiagnosed. After a few months, thanks to a comment somebody made to me on a message board, I realized this had all started shortly after I started drinking lots of soy milk. I stopped the soy milk and all of the hormonal problems went away in a couple of days and I have never since had bleeding between cycles!

So is there any chance that you have made any changes in your diet, or anything like that? In my case it turned out that my estrogen had gotten all messed up, because of the soymilk. Nothing was wrong besides that!

My other quick question is did you test negative for high risk HPV? You say you tested negative on all viruses but I couldn't tell if HPV (16 or 18) was included. Because if you tested negative for high risk HPV, then I don't understand why they told you you had to do a colposcopy? Okay - so I am having formatting issues for some reason. I can't quite see what I have written. I just hope this goes through and I hope you are feeling more reassurance and peace over this ordeal...best wishes.