People be crazy!


This is my first post to this forum. I just had my first LLETZ last week following smears showing CGIN (I think, that's what I've managed to cobble together from the letters and brief conversations with the doctors) and am awaiting results. I guess I just wanted to talk about how dramatically it has affected my personal relationships, particularly my closest one outside of family. I'm currently single (I was seeing someone who very cruelly and publicly ditched me when he realised I was first going to the hospital....that's a whole other awful story) and my main source of support is my friends. I'm 27 and share a house with my best friend - although the validity of that title has been tested lately, and my parents and sister live about an hour away. Since all this has come about my best friend has been acting strange to say the least, her attitude towards it started as flippant comments some of which bordered on offensive: the most disgusting one being about how I couldn't have CC as I didn't have...and I'm really really sorry about the crudeness of this...."black tar stuff coming out" of me. When the smear came back showing abnormalities and I got referred for a colposcopy and LLETZ she has been basically absent. I don't know how to describe it, she's just not been around much at all and when she has she just won't acknowledge any of it. I've spoken to mutual friends who are all 'she's just having trouble coping' and my moral grown up side can accept that but the raw scared side of me is very angry that at such a scary time I'm having to walk on eggshells around someone so close. Has anyone else encountered this?

Luckily I have other friends as well as my family and co-workers who have been amazing about it all. I don't expect everyone to know what to say but as long as they say something, even if it's just 'I really suck at this and don't know what to say'. I'm quite a strong person I feel but I can't emotionally carry those close to me through this as well, as selfish as that may seem.

Anyway that's my current gripe, I hope it doesn't make me sound too mean. Anyone can relate? Any advice on how I go about tackling this if at all? Thanks.


Hi little red. How awful for you, I'm so sad that your friend has reacted in this way and how hard it must be if you live together. Maybe your diagnosis has triggered something for her, I'm sure it will all come out in time. I hope you can concentrate on the people who will be there to love and support you through this and I hope your friend will see how she can play a part in that. It may take a while. You are so right not to try to carry anyone on your journey. You will have enough on your plate getting through the next few months. Good luck x


HI Littlered

It must be really hard for you iving in that situation when you have enough to cope with.  Surround yourself with the people who will help you through this and hopefully she will come round in time. 

It's a strange thing when you get a cancer diagnosis - really gives you an idea of who your friends are. People who you feel should be supportive can end up being crap and on the other hand, people you don't know so well can be absolute stars. One lady I work with turned up with home made soup and took me out for lunch a few times to get me out of the house and back to some kind of normality and yet my own sister couldn't or wouldn't visit. 

I ended up having a run-in with my sister several weeks ago largely becuase she never once came to visit me when I was either in hospital or since I came home and been recovering post-op. That really upset me to the point where after spending three days crying over it I felt I had to speak to her about. I had the support of my husband and good friends when I did this and I also spoke with my nurse specialist about it.  I wrote down what I wanted to say to her and waited for a day when I felt strong enough to do it. I literally just read it off the sheet of paper and to be honest although it was hard I felt much better after doing so and felt like I could move forward.

That is what I did, but doesn't work with everyone. Hope that is of some help to you. You will also get a lot of support from the lovely ladies on here and I am sending you a virtual hug  SL xx




i am new at this also.  I had surgery 8 weeks ago. and i have hte dsame difficulties with my 16 year old.  His behaviors were troubling prior to the surgery, and since, well lets just say he has been taking full advantage of his mom's being down and out. i also felt that i had walk around trying not to worry him, and felt bad for wanting to be alone so i could concentrate on healing. 

Well he leaves tomorrow to go live with his dad. hardest thing i have ever done, but its ok for m e to be selfish now. as i have to heal.  

you are not being selfish.  You are feeling what you need to feel.  I am sorry your BFF is not supportive. but you need to ask her to leave, so you can heal.  or move on if it is not your place. 

Seek those people who will support you, as you said, even if htey dont know what to say or do, but can just "be" with you. 


I fully agree with you - you shouldn't have to try to support someone else thruogh this. That's what friends are for. This is your time for her to support you in, not the other way around. As Heali says above - seek out the supportive friends and family you have. Perhaps your friend just doesn't know how to approcah this, and perhaps she'll mull it over and come around. Whatever the case, you need to focus on you and healing now. 

PM me anythime you want to chat :) I might just be a stranger on the internet, but I can be a sounding board, if nothin' else!