Partner intimacy

Hi everyone,


I am looking for help/advice from partners/ husbands on how to cope with lack of intimacy. I love my Wife very much and wouldn't change her for the world. We got married after her treatment many years ago and I knew that our sexual relationship would never be the same but this will never stop me loving my Wife. Of late I have been struggling with no intimacy and rejection and its getting me down, my Wife is so attractive and I want to be with her but whenever it comes to sex or pleasure then the mood goes sour. If we do try I end up feeling alot of guilt as I know its uncomfy for her. I hope this doesn't sound selfish of me but I miss sex and intimacy with my Wife.


Thanks for listening.

Hi, I would suggest other forms of intimacy rather than full penetrative sex for now - massages, oral sex etc. but it is only natural that your wife will not feel like penetrative sex at the moment.  You sound like a very caring person, and no doubt your wife is probably feeling very down about her treatment and also the lack of intimacy and this affects both partners.  Hope it all works out for you both. 

So my husband and I have struggled with this for the past 3 years. If I wouldn’t have known better I would have thought it was him that wrote this once upon a time! 

What worked for me, is him really heating the oven if that makes sense. I’m not going to say don’t take no for an answer, but you’re really gonna have to go that extra mile in the loving and foreplay department, really make her or remind her rather that she’s a woman. We feel violated after all of this, it’s almost like PTSD. With the right amount of excitement, and tbh still going to need lube for comfort, she can enjoy it again. Turning her on in small ways is the best way to make HER want it. It’s hard to feel womanly in an intimate way after all of this.

Here is an example and a turning point for my husband... One day I was out of the house. He called in a cleaning service, had the house cleaned, called in food delivery, and a flower delivery. I came home to a clean house, dinner, roses everywhere on the bed, throughout the house etc... also while I was gone that day he had been sending me sweet texts telling me how sexy I was and how he wanted me etc...  when I got home I was shocked, he even had my favorite bubble bath lol! Anyway I showered, had dinner, and the husband showered me like a Mac daddy and really did a lot of foreplay and it was probably the best sex of our lives that night! It reminded me that I am a woman, I am still sexy, and I have a man that still wants me and finds me attractive after everything I went through. It’s not like that every time lol, but it did make me stop thinking of just myself and remember that he went through this too with me.