Partner couldn't cope

I have treatment for level 3 CC last year. The cancer and treatment were awful, but my whole family fell apart. I am worried that if I get ill again my partner will lose the plot again. She got very angry with me when I was ill. I constantly felt like I had to try not to upset her, and I failed a lot. I don’t think that I was easy to live with.

My daughter became extremely withdrawn and virtually stopped talking to everyone (her dad died of cancer in the same hospital). My partner thought that my daughter hated her and got very angry with her and in the end shouted at her so much that she left. About six weeks after I got the all clear I did something wrong and suddenly got very scared of what she would do when she got home. I ran out of the house and slept in the park overnight (end of September). I am glad that I left as I don’t know what would have happened otherwise. I felt proud of myself for being able to do something instead of crying at home.

I am scared that if the cancer comes back and I am literally dying that I will have to watch my behaviour to avoid upsetting my partner again. I am not very good at it over months and months. I am scared of being on my own. I am scared of being with someone who literally wont speak to me and just acts like she hates me all the time.

I feel a lot stronger now and have tried talking a lot. I hated / hate not having sex. Being so isolated makes me feel worthless. A friend came over today and I had such a nice afternoon. I just want my partner to have more support so that she doesn’t take things out on me, or my kids (they are 16 and 20), doesn’t do things like say she wont come to my funeral, tell me to stop looking miserable when I hear bad news about the cancer. I don’t feel that I can do anything to help her. She just says that time will sort it out. How can it if we don’t face what happened?

Hi Juley I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis of Cervical Cancer and the awful time you and your children have gone through.  Its no wonder your daugther became withdrawn especially after her Dad had died from Cancer at the hospital were you where treated I hope she is on the mend again? Its good to hear you are getting stronger again I know it takes time and I hope you make a full recovery.

Juley with regards to your partner I think the kindness thing you can do is leave a sleeping bag and packed lunch for her on the park bench you slept on.

I wish you all the best for the future and hope you find someone who will love and cherish and value you like you deserve. sending you Hugs xx

I kind of think that when I think about it rationally, but don't most of the time.  My daughter is great at the moment - I know that things will be bad again in the future for her, but she is doing great at the moment.  I think that I will be open about what happened last year - I need someone who isn't me to tell Alison that her behaviour wasn't okay.  I am going to try to see my GP so that something can be put on my medical records.  Thanks, nice to have a quick reply.xx

Juley I totally agree with Kumagill,  except for the packed lunch. ! You and your children deserve so much better.It sounds as if you are in an abusive relationship. ...abuse comes in many forms. Do you have a social worker? There is a huge amount of help out there to enable  you all to recover emotionally.

Sending you huge healing hugs sweetheart. You are a brave woman, you faced and beat cancer, continue being strong and don't accept negative people in your life.

Hugs x

Hi Juley,

Sorry to have joined this discusion so late in the day, I don't tend to hang around in theis section of the forum so much. My partner and I also went through some awful times post diagnosis and treatment. People deal with things differently and a huge upset in a relationship often sends partners running off in opposite directions. The most extreme example of this is when a child is murdered. It is very, very rare that the parents manage to continue their relationship because in most cases, one party wants to move forwards while the other wants to continue to wring their hands and mourn. A cancer diagnosis can have quite a similar effect and many of us find that after a while we need some counselling to help us come to terms with everything we have been through. Relationship counselling is also a very powerful tool. Assuming that you and Alison are still together but not happily so can I suggest that you find yourselves a good relationship counsellor to help you talk through this with each other. The physical damage that cancer does to a person is bad enough, you shouldn't have to lose your relationship to it as well.

Take care and be lucky
xxxxx
Tivoli