painful smears

Hi, I am new to this site and thank goodness I’ve found it. I have been suffering in silence with all sorts of thoughts and worries for many years and have had no one I can talk with, or want to, purely because I feel like I am odd or alone with my problem. I am 38 and have had smear tests regularly as i’m called for them since I was 20. The first couple were okay and although slightly uncomfortable, I wasn’t that bothered, and at the time I had a nice boyfriend and a lovely nurse. Just to let you ladies know that it can be painless and fine : ) On my third test it was awful. I had a different nurse who although nice seemed a bit miffed that I was finding it that bad. She suggested that I see a gynae doctor for further investigations. She said that my vagina was a bit bendy! and sat at the back, not quite sure what that means, but that it was difficult to find, after reading some posts on here I can see that this is quite common. Unfortunately I had a negative result and I went for a further check six months later and was referred to a doctor and had an internal scan investigation. It really depended on the environment for me as well. For example the doctor was lovely where as the colposcopy nurse was a bit of a bat. She told me off like a headmistress, said that babies could come down the tube, and that I was being silly. I haven’t had children so this was of no comfort, she made me look at my cervix on the screen as I was sobbing. It looked like a sun burnt version of E.T!! : ) Anyway luckily after a third smear test that year I was cleared. My boyfriend at the time was immature and insensitive, he never went to any of the appointments with me and only sulked as it meant I found sex painful, he didn’t understand and didn’t want too. I felt so emotional, low and scared by the whole thing that although I was relieved to have good results it meant I had some emotional and psychological things to deal with. I split up with my boyfriend and had a test a few years later. I warned the nurse that I found it painful and she was alright about it, and used a small speculum, I think that this really helps with the pain factor for us ladies with unusually shaped vaginas. I just went for another one/ latest one and unfortunately the nurse was again a bit unsympathetic. I am new to the area I live in and just hoped for the best as I don’t know many of the practitioners yet. Having been a nurse I do find it odd that quite a few of them are either unsympathetic or not willing to try new things, or take time etc, to make it more comfortable. I figure we must all be made different and so we probably all need various sizes, positions etc. Maybe as women we think we should just put up with it, but I feel its high time that professionals took more thought and care around this area, I also feel really emotional afterwards, its a sensitive thing and area and we need more awareness and kindness on the whole topic.