I haven't posted for a while but have been keeping upto date with all of your journeys. I'm just having a bit of a struggle at the moment and so thought I would ask for some advice. I was due to have my LLETZ done yesterday (1/11/13) but my partner has had to have his little boy for a week. The little lad in question has spent a lot of time of recent in hospital environments and my partner didn't think it fair that he come along. This meant that almost overnight I went from the reassurance of knowing that my partner would be present throughout to on the morning being told he wouldn't be staying within the hospital. It was because of this that I postponed the procedure. I understand that this may seem very foolish and/or selfish but because of some past traumas I really needed his support. My reaction yesterday proved to me how potentially triggering I may find the experience. With regards to this I have tried speaking to the unit at the hosptial several times about my concerns but I do feel as though I am persistently being fobbed off. That said, I do find reading you ladies experiences of LLETZ very comforting, so thankyou :)
Anyway, the nurse I spoke to yesterday morning said that it will be booked for sometime later this month. Alongside this I am awaiting an ultrasound appointment to see if the cause of a lot of pain I have regularly is polyps on my uterus. I won't be even hearing about an appointment for that for another 8-10 weeks. I suppose what with this CIN 3 diagnosis, potential polyps and being so anxious about a very simple, straightforward and fast procedure is just pushing me to breaking.
I hope that you don't think that I was completely stupid for changing the appointment yesterday, I do feel really idiotic today. If I'd not been so pathetic then I wouldn't have an added 4 weeks of worry. I just keep convincing myself of the worst now in the next month and although from what I gather this is a veeeeery small chance, I just can't seem to relax. I have everything to be happy for and excited about and instead I feel numb and stupid.
I'm so sorry for going on and thanks for reading