One year anniversary

So tomorrow is exactly one year since I was diagnosed with stage 2b cervical cancer. Underwent 5 chemo, 25 radiotherapy and 4 brachytherapy finishing in September, which I felt I physically coped quite well with. Mentally iv had my ups and downs but really thought after I finished treatment and returned to doing my everyday things I would be able to put this all behind me. Had an area of concern that showed on my December follow up scan and a nodule that required some treatment in February. I'm due another scan next Thursday to be extra cautious. I manage to put a brace face on for my partner and friends but no matter how hard I try it never goes away, I can't accept that I will never be a natural mother and feel like I have been robbed, the emotional pain is unbearable some days and I just cry when I'm alone. I'm such a strong natured person and can't believe one year on I'm allowing this to effect me like this nearly everyday. 

Having a bad day today and had to vent. 

Hazel x

I think we all have bad days don't we and definitely vent all you need.

When I was going through my treatment I was resentful that I had to drive 45 mins each way every day to the hospital until my friend said that we are so lucky to have that hospital so close as some people have further to travel. When she said that, things changed for me. Nowadays, whatever gets me down, I am truly thankful that I am able to get out of bed every morning. 

I'm not lecturing you in any way but maybe try to think of the positive things that are going on in your life, things that might not have been possible.

Very true Philleepa, thanks for listening. Hope your doing well x

Hi hazel 

you and I both finished treatment the same time ...

its normal to be upset still a year on! Things have changed so much. Things were lost and things have been changed. The treatment and the post scans are so exhausting, the mental part of is just as hard if not even more then the actual treatment that it's no wonder certain things are just starting to really hit you now. 

and now..,,,

almost a year into menopause so the levels of estrogen are way down it's no wonder you are having a hard time if you are usually such a strong person. Between all this stuff it's ok to feel the way you do. there is not one member of this post treatment forum who doesn't have bad days, who isn't scared at some point or other. You are not alone in this. 

Do try to talk it out with someone, forums are great but you do need someone there for support. Don't suffer alone  

much love