Wow, this seems to be taking forever. I can’t believe how my emotions are riding up and down. I keep thinking, well not long till I’m back to normal but then realise it’s going to be a new normal.
I hate what I’m going through atm (doubt anyone is enjoying it). I’m grateful for this site as I can talk things through and read others experiences which makes me realise that I am being normal.
I haven’t told many people what’s going on. I find it easier to deal with it. Unfortunately there are people who had to be told that I didn’t really want telling. Mainly my husbands family who I am not keen on. I think we are supposed to be seeing them today but I really don’t want to.
I am having to distance myself frim my mum and my sister as they seem to feel it’s their duty to pass info on to my dad and my brother (I don’t have a relationship with either of them and don’t see its their business ). I feel awful about this as I know it’s hurting my mum but apart from telling people she also says things like ‘I know you’ll be ok’, ‘you’ll be back to normal soon’ and ‘everything will be ok’. I don’t know how others feel bit that doesn’t help me. I’m stage 4a and the odds aren’t all that good even though the Dr’s say it’s curable and I’ve heard quite a few positive outcomes.
I’m looking forward to starting the treatment because then we are on countdown to the end but then I’m dreading all the side effects. I’m dipping between thinking I’m going to be like death warmed up and thinking I might just not be too bad. Positivity and negativity seem to be fighting a battle in my head.
I suppose the thing is, I’m not going to know until I’m experiencing it.
Then I’m thinking about the anxious time ahead when waiting for the scan results at the end of treatment.
I have had an illness before and it took me about 2 years before I started living my life properly again. I can’t imagine that the fear of cancer will ever go away.
At the moment I just want to be in my own little world that I can control. I don’t want to be with people other than my little family in my own home or out for a walk.
I dread seeing people who might ask me questions.
Anyway, that’s all off my chest now.
I think I’m doing ok. I never do much at Xmas anyway so it’s normal (not feeling sorry for myself - I just like the break)
That was good therapy.
Onward and upwards - I can do this.
Thanks to everyone posting their experiences. I would love to hear more positive ones x