One week on from LLETZ, feeling anxious

Hi all,

I'm new here. I'm 26, a highschool teacher and just moved to the UK from Australia. However, I'm not new to the world of abnormal smears. Long story:

When I was 16, the guy I was dating and who I'd slept with before decided that it was alright for him to sleep with me whenever he liked. This included when I was asleep. I woke up one night while staying at his, he was on top of me and didn't stop what he was doing when I asked him. Turns out - no condom. Six months later I had my first smear - HPV positive and with squamous lesions. I was terrified and got sent for a colposcopy. At the appointment, the biopsy hurt more than I expected and the nurse was incredibly rude when I expressed that I was in pain. The doctor at the time told me everything was fine, it would go away on its own but I'd need a six month check up just to make sure. 

I returned for the next smear, and never got results. So I kept going every six months until someone would tell me - I never heard anything and I rarely got the same doctor because my clinic would just book with whoever was available. So I just kept going back, but still no word. I was also with a new boyfriend at the time and we would sometimes not use condoms because I was on the pill. Because he refused to get checked, he probably contracted the HPV I had then kept reinfecting me. Around two years ago I ended that relationship, and six months later I had my next smear with a new doctor (with a thin prep just to be sure) and FINALLY I had a doctor get back to me and tell me everything was clear. 

At the start of this year I moved to Scotland as I'm a dual citizen. I met an amazing man early on and things were (still are) great. But only a couple months in and I was suffering major pains and bleeding during sex, bleeding outside my period, and general pelvic pain. So, being paranoid from the near decade of HPV tests, I went to get a smear if only to get it registered with the NHS and to have my mind put at ease. Instead, I get told there's been moderate changes and I'm to go for a colposcopy immediately. I asked my doctor if this meant they would need to do any kind of operation and she said "No, they'll only operate there and then if there's been severe changes". So I went in thinking I'd just be having a biopsy then going home. Of course I'd researched it all and knew about LLETZ/cone biopsies, but had convinced myself I wouldn't need it .

I am terrified of needles, and I suffer depression and anxiety (which I manage fairly well, but when under sudden stress not so much) I walked in and was immediately told I'd be getting the LLETZ treatment before I even got in the stirrups, so the shock set in and just couldn't stop crying. The injection into the cervix was a bitch, and I was just about hyperventilating in the chair because I was trying not to have a full blown panic attack. The nurses were wonderful, but I felt so terrible for reacting how I did.

Since then, I've just felt queasy and terrified. The pain has been alright, but the first four days I think my anxiety was making me so unwell that I was just in agony in my stomach - not like period cramps, more like a really bad stomach bug cramps. I just started bleeding (normal in the second week I believe), but not being able to exercise is getting to me. I use it to help regulate my mood and without it I'm just stuck in this spiral of fear that I'm going to be told my results were awful. I still have three weeks at least to wait before I get results, and I'm just terrified. I've been withdrawn, cried a lot more than usual, I feel completely unattractive and diseased, and my boyfriend is trying to help me feel better but I don't know how. I feel like he doesn't deserve this and I'm just being more of a burden on him. I just don't know how to shake it.

What did you all do to distract yourself during the wait? Please tell me I'm not the only one who reacted this way!

Sorry for the long ramble, thanks for reading x  



Bless you.  Try to keep busy and stay positive hun.  Do some things you enjoy and stay away from google. The procedure can be a shock if you weren't expecting least there's a good chance they got all the bad cells out there and then.  I'm waiting for results back too for biospy so I feel your pain hun.  I'm the most impatient person in the universe lol - is likely am going to have to have more treatment and I just want it done and dusted!!!  

If you can't exercise could you go for some nice walks instead? Some of the scenery is beautiful in Scotland too. 

I like to read so have bought a couple of good books this weekend to read as haven't got my lad here the weekend and I've tried to keep very busy at work. I had a punch biospy this time last year so is second time been through this horrible someone else on here said tho bad news tends to travel faster so sometimes the longer wait is for the better.  

Be kind to yourself - let me know how you get on with your result's when you get them? Sending positive vibes your way.




Thanks for the comment :)

I'm hoping it's positive of course, but because I've had such a long history with it, I'm not really holding my breath. Just hate the twisted stomach feeling from the stress! Thankfully only one week of school left before holidays, so that helps. 

I went walking a couple days back, and that's when the bleeding started and the pain came back, so I thought that must have triggered it. But might try again tomorrow (or whenever the sun finally comes out again!)

I have some work to keep me occupied and a huge cross stitch project to work on, but I feel like I'm just having too much time alone with my thoughts. Ugh. There's just probably no easy way to wait, is there?

I'll definitely let you know when I get results back, and please let me know how yours goes as well!

Caitlin xx

I feel your pain with the waiting! I was told I would get called back very quickly if they found any cells which were cancerous so I'm just thinking the longer I wait for the results the better :) Ally xx

How are you girls doing this week? I admit it feels like the longest time...hoping to hear soon and hope you do too xxxx


Not too bad thank you- felt a bit washed out for a few days after the LLETZ but nearly back to normal now. Not too worried at the mo. How about you? How long has it been since your punch biopsy? xx

Feeling much better today - I actually had the biopsys done by LLetz rather than punch - was a week last Monday. I had punch biospsys this time last year and the results took six weeks that time. Same as then - once 

I had got past the first week and half I started to get less worried about getting the results - as they say no news is good news.  It would be nice however to know when and where they are going to remove my dodgy cells(the area was too large at colposcopy to do there and then) so they told me would have to be removed under GA. My job is quite responsible and very busy - am assistant manager of a distribution warehouse selling building materials so don't have much time to get anxious in the week lol.  I do most of my fretting in the car on the way and back to work!

Bleeding has pretty much cleared up from the biopsy too so that a good positive.

Heres hoping we all hear back soon and get sorted xxxx

Hiya, sorry for late reply! I'm ok. Just hit two week mark - still bleeding. No signs of stopping. But I'm working out again because I just can't do nothing. I went for a run yesterday morning and was fine - didn't cause any pain or extra bleeding, so I don't see any problems in continuing. But so over the bleeding. It's just incessant. And I want it to stop! Ugh. Still not heard on results, so fingers crossed that means it's not terrible... UGH. Hate waiting!

Good to hear you're feeling better! I felt washed out the first week after really. Back to normal, but the bleeding started second week like I said and it just hasn't given up yet. I keep thinking maybe it's calming down, and then nope, here it is again! Sigh. Trying not to be worried, keep thinking if it's been two weeks and no news then maybe it's not going to be too terrible. I hope anyway!