No sexual feelings

I know I should be happy being 2 half years NED but I have no sex drive. I feel for my partner who’s been my rock throughout this difficult couple of years. We used to have a very active sex life before the cancer. I don’t know what I can do, is it the menapause! Is it my brain taking me back to the trauma of bleeding after intercourse? I’m so fed up…why do I feel like this :frowning:


i just wanted to say, i know how you feel. I've had a hysterectomy, lymphectomy, chemo, brachy, and radio. we have been strong together throughout this awful time, but now, it is incrdibly difficult for me to get ANY sexual feelings. Which is SO hard to deal with, whilst going through the menopause, because i just feel like, im useless. I can only attribute it to the menopause, as i was feeling as i did before.

starflower capulses are meant to help holland and Barrett do them, and i guess retraining your mind somehow xx

Sending you both hugs. I went through the same. I'm in my fifties and he's now in his sixties. He would be a much happier man if we did still have a sex life but we don't. The hysterectomy took between 50 and 60% of my vagina, the radiotherapy withered what remained, we had enormous problems between us anyway and so it all just petered out. I would like to think that if you are still fond enough of one another you can find a way to work through this. We are just not fond enough of one another to make the effort.



Thanks for your replies.. my doctor has said he could recommend me for therapy but it's a long waiting list. It really frustrating because you go through so much to treat the bigger then then the after effects hit. No one really prepares you for what happens after the treatment and I feel your left on your own to deal with so many emotions. Hugs to you both xx

Hi Lea :-)

It's sad isn't it. Though some people seem to be able just to walk away and pretend it never happened, I guess they must just be able to 'get back on the horse' as it were. I wonder what percentage of us drop off sexually? Can you see a psycho-sexual therapist through your local well-woman centre, or do they no longer exist :-( ?


Hi Lea,

i think this is a much over looked area in the recovery after all the treatment we have had. Whenever I go for my 3monthly check, the first question they ask is "have you had sex yet?" When I replied that it wasn't high on my priority list, one consultant told me to have a few drinks to get going! The lack of real understanding made me feel very angry. There are so many factors which come into play here...shortened, dried up vagina, leading to pain, menopause, uncertainty regarding the HPV virus, and a complete loss of emotional desire. Then a degree of guilt, misplaced I know, towards my husband. It all makes for a messy cocktail of problems and it just seems easier to push it to one side. The wisdom I believe is to take very small steps so that at least some degree of intimacy can be achieved. I do wish you well and hope that things improve for you. X